I Wrote This
by im-batman
Summary: Please," Joker got down on his knees, he was still unclothed from the waste down. "CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE THAT HAS PICTURES OF THE FOOD ON THE MENUS!"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok so this is just a random story i'm writing out of boredness (is that a word??) anyway it's from the deep depths of my mind which is a very weird and disturbing place. So it's Dark Knight Joker and Batman Begins Scarecrow just to clarify that. Umm really none of the back stories of anything from the movies going on here i don't think.....i don't maybe. Ok here we go!**

**Disclaimer: i don't own!! well now i'm sad :(**

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Jonathan Crane once known to the staff at Arkham Asylum as Dr. Crane was now better known as Inmate: 135327. He'd been in the Asylum for six months now. He was slowly making progress, after two months they allowed him to be without his straight jacket, then for the past month he'd been in a "better" room. You see at Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane the inmates are arranged by their level of insanity and depended on their level you know what room they're assigned to. Now all the rooms at the Asylum are padded that's inevitable, but some of the real wackos didn't get anything in the room with them not even a bed, so mostly they would just sit on the floor of their puffy rooms in their straight jackets waiting to be taken out for meals.

But Jonathan was pretty high up as far as the room situation goes. He had a bed, a pathetic excuse for a bed, the mattress is so thin that the springs bore into his back and some nights he feared that one of them was going to puncture his organs. He also had a window barred of course, I mean he can't see out of it but it's there, see the cells in Arkham are very tall so Jonathan's window is as high up on the wall as it can get without being on the ceiling. Lucky bastard even has his own toilet, lucky bastard that's what some of the lower, jealous inmates call him. The last difference in Jonathan's cell was something on the ceiling, if you looked in the corner above his toilet you would see there was a vent, pretty much useless since the temperature never seemed to change around the place. And it was also to high up for Jonathan to reach so he couldn't escape even if he wanted to.

Truth be told Jonathan was content here. Not necessarily happy but content, he was perfectly fine with waiting till his time was up and focusing on getting better. It was better here he didn't have to be around people constantly he could just sit in his cell all day if he wanted to, he didn't even have to talk to anyone, except Tuesdays and Fridays when he had his therapy sessions. Life was just so much easier when you took all the annoying people out of the equation.

* * *

A guard was leading Jonathan back to his cell that night. Even though he had his own toilet he lacked the luxury of his own shower. But he absolutely refused to shower with the other inmates, it's not that he thought he was better but he did once work here and he knew what went on in the shower area. He told the guards that he wouldn't shower at all until they allowed him to shower alone, after about a week they gave in. So every night at 11 a guard comes to get him and he showers alone and safe.

Jonathan was locked back in his cell and he looked around the small padded room. As he was being lead down the hall he'd caught sight of a clock 11:29 it said, normally inmates are allowed a 10 minute shower but since it was night and he was alone the guards didn't really give a shit. Jonathan sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands_, there's nothing to do_, he thought_, there's never anything to fucking do_. Jonathan got up from his bed and began pacing this is how most of his time was spent_, but it's better than being out there_, he told himself. Anytime he thought he was gonna lose it from being in here he always reminded himself about life outside of the Asylum and it made life on the inside easier.

After pacing for what felt like and eternity but in reality it was only about 2 hours Jonathan laid down on his bed. He was going to leave his eyes open cause he didn't feel all that tired but he knew if he did he'd and up counting the padded ceiling tiles, again, there were 32. So he let his eyes close and he lay flat out on the bed trying not to think about the horrible pain shooting through his back. He began to let his mind wander when he thought he heard someone rustling around his cell. He chose to stay where he was thinking it was just a guard doing one of their nightly checks he lay there faking sleep.

Then it felt like someone was close to him, hovering over top of him. He tensed a bit worried it might be another inmate who broke out and now coming here to kill him. Then he felt the person's breath on him the person's mouth was right over his. The person was whispering something to him but his thoughts were so loud he couldn't hear him. He tried to calm himself down so he could hear what this person was saying but he wouldn't open his eyes yet.

"Wake up, wake up," the voice said.

After hearing the voice clearly Jonathan was a little curious as to who this person leaning over him was. He opened his eyes the slightest bit but then they got as wide as eyes can possibly get when Jonathan saw the clown staring down at him.

"Wake up you freak," said the Joker.

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**A/N: ok there it is. i'm sorry to leave it like that but i just really wanted that to be the last line. so i hope you liked it, it's going to get funnier trust me. thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!! Yeah so here's the next chapter hope you like it!!**

**disclaimer: i don't own TDK.**

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"It's me Joker!!"

Jonathan hadn't spoken yet he was still staring up at the Joker, utterly confused as to what was going on. The Joker was sitting on top of Jonathan now, he squinted his eyes and pushed his painted face into Jonathan's so their noses squished together.

"Wait a minute," The Joker said as he jumped off the bed pulling Jonathan up with him.

The Joker dragged Jonathan over to the stream of moonlight coming in through the window.

"You are the Scarecrow right?" The Joker asked looking Jonathan up and down in the dimly lit cell.

"Actually I don't go by Scarecrow anymore," he said removing Joker's hands that we're clutching to the front of his Arkham Asylum jumpsuit," It's Jonathan."

Jonathan started walking back to his bed, the Joker stood there staring at where Jonathan was just standing. Jonathan sat down at the foot of his bed and stared at Joker's back.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm breaking you out of this shithole," Joker said without turning. He was talking perfectly normal like Jonathan was still standing in front of him.

"What," Jonathan said, "You're crazy."

Suddenly Joker spun around which startled Jonathan who jumped back in the bed in a laying down position. The Joker ran and jumped on top of Jonathan, their faces only inches apart. Jonathan could smell his breath, which smelled surprisingly minty fresh despite his yellowed teeth.

"Am I or am I so sane that I just blew your mind," Joker was wiggling his fingers around Jonathan's head as he said this. Then he pushed Jonathan further down on the bed as he jumped off, and he walked back to where he had been standing before.

He turned again and pointed at Jonathan and said,"Did you ever think about that?"

* * *

It took a few minutes for Jonathan to collect his thoughts but when he finally did he sat up and looked around, he could hardly see but it appeared that the Joker had gone. Then he heard it. It sounded like someone slowly pouring water out of a cup, but Jonathan new that wasn't what it was. He stranded his eyes to the corner of his cell, the darkest corner in the cell, the one with the toilet. And just as his thought the Joker had his legs spread and was standing over the toilet.

Joker must have been over there for at least five minutes, he just kept going and going. At last Jonathan heard a zipper and the Joker walked back into what light there was in the room.

"I tell you," Joker started,"You are lucky to have your own crapper. In all the 27 times I've been to this place I never once got my own toilet." He sighed. "And you know it's not safe to go around here, that's why if you go to Cell 13 do you know what you'll find?"

Jonathan was still amazed by the fact that Joker had been to Arkham 27 times. But he finally answered him,"What will you find."

Joker was pointing to the floor then he brought his finger up to Jonathan's face,"Piss stains."

Joker could see that Jonathan was totally shocked so he continued.

Talking with his hands the entire time he began,"You see someone as beautiful as me cannot allow themselves to be exposed to the dangers that are lurking in the bathrooms here in hell."

"So you pissed in your cell?"

"Bingo," Joker said giving Jonathan a thumbs- up.

"How'd you get out of your straight jacket to pee?" Jonathan asked he was beginning to get more curious about the Joker.

"No jacket can contain me."

* * *

"So how'd you get in here?" Jonathan asked.

Joker got all excited ran across the room, got on the bed with Jonathan and crossed his legs. Jonathan mimicked the Joker's sitting position. The two of them looked like a couple of teenage girls about to share secrets. That is if one of the girls was a psychopath painted up to look like a clown. And the other was an inmate at an asylum for the criminally insane, locked up for putting on a scarecrow mask, running around Gotham and spraying it's citizens with fear toxin.

"Well you see about - wait what's the date?"

"What does it matter," said Jonathan.

"It just fucking does."

"Fine, it's the 17th I think."

Joker sat there awhile staring up at the ceiling and counting on his fingers.

"Ok about 16 days ago I was sitting at my house and I started thinking," Joker stared intently at Jonathan," I started thinking whatever happened to that freak Scarecrow."

"Jonathan."

"Whatever, shut up."

"So anyway where was I," Joker tapped his chin," Oh yes I was thinking about you," He pointed at Jonathan,"And I thought where is he, well I told myself he must be in Arkham I mean you're freak."

The two stared at each other before Joker continued.

"But then I told myself that's no good you don't need to be in here," Joker got his face all close to Jonathan's again,"So I came up with all sorts of amazing things in my mind and here I am."

"Yes, but how did you get in here," Jonathan pointed all around his cell.

"Well two days after I realized you didn't belong in here I came to get you, do you really need to know how I got in."

"Wait a minute two days after, you said sixteen days ago, Joker what the hell have you been doing for the past two weeks?"

Joker sighed. "It's very hard to maneuver through air vents."

"What..?

"Air vents yeah that's where I've been for two weeks crawling through the vents," He pointed to the ceiling,"Like some sorta lab rat, and you're the cheese." Joker hugged Jonathan knocking him down on the bed.

Jonathan sat up. "Why did it take you so long?"

Joker sat up as well "Talk about ungrateful," Joker said,"It's hard to tell where you're going when you're up there I couldn't find your cell."

"But still two weeks, how are you not dead."

"Well smartassfor your information it only took me eleven days to find you," Joker sat there looking pleased with himself,"And I survived on Tic Tacs and this bottle of water." Joker pulled a bottle out of God only knows where and it appeared to still be half full or half empty depending on how you look at life.

"Well then what did you do for the three extra days?"

"I stared down at you," Joker said,"You know that's pretty stupid of you not to notice, I mean sometimes I even made noises."

"Wait you stared at me, damnit Joker that vent's above the toilet."

"I know." The Joker said smiling.

* * *

"So are you coming or not?"

"Why are you doing this?" Jonathan asked, it wasn't like he was ever a close, personal friend of the Joker.

"I'm bored."

"You're bored, where's Harley Quinn?"

"Oh she's with Poison Ivy for the time being." Joker's eyes got very wide at his own statement and a smile spread across his lips where there was already one painted.

"But why me there's plenty of other crazies to pick from."

"I dunno."

"What about The Riddler?"

"Asks to many questions."

"Clayface?"

"He smells of mud."

"Penguin?"

"Now you and I both know he's The King of The Dicks, I mean really I hate him."

Jonathan let out a long heavy sigh. "Fine."

Joker jumped off the bed. "You'll come with me?"

"Yes."

"Great let's go." Joker said walking towards the door.

"Wait what are doing," Jonathan said," aren't we going out the same way you came in?"

"No you silly goose we can't afford to spend eleven days up there, I'm almost out of Tic Tacs."

"Besides we can't even reach it to get back out," Joker said.

"Then how do you think we're getting out of here?"

Then Jonathan felt something being painfully rubbed into his face. He pulled back and saw it was a pass key to get in and out of the cells.

"I has a key dumbass." Joker stated so bluntly as if Jonathan should just expect him to have that.

"Where'd you get that?"

"If you want to get into Arkham sometimes you have to kill a few guards."

"Then why didn't you just use that to get me out of here?" Jonathan was almost yelling now getting very frustrated with the Joker.

"Just shut up and take this," Joker said shoving a knife into Jonathan's hand.

"Ready," Joker said excitedly.

"Yeah whatever."

Joker slid the key unlocking the door and walked out like it was nothing. The Joker killed anyone he came in contact with while Jonathan walked calmly behind him. They got down to the main entrance Joker slid the key once again and the two of them left.

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**A/N: I know that the whole crawling threw air vents is not possible but i could just see the Joker doing that. Alright i'mreally happy with this chapter!! Now i've never escaped from an insane asylum so i'm not really sure what the normal procedures are but yeah thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: thanks to anyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. yeah so here's another one.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything**

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Joker strolled out into the parking lot like a totally normal person. Like a person who hadn't just left an insane asylum killing at least six people inside of it and releasing one of it's inmates, no he was walking around like a person who was just leaving the grocery store. No one had stopped them in the parking lot so far, and it seemed very odd to Jonathan that Arkham didn't have better security in their parking area.

Jonathan was beginning to feel a little anxious just walking around out in the open like they were. They were walking past a orange Hummer, not like a bright it's burning my retinas orange but more of a rusty orange color. Joker stood in front of the driver's side staring at in intently like he was trying to open the door with his mind. Then he grabbed the handle and pulled on it with all his might. The door came flying open and smacked into an unsuspecting Jonathan who had been looking around nervously for any guards that might have realized they'd left.

Jonathan made a noise that Joker thought was completely inaudible as he fell to the ground. Joker jumped into the driver's side and stared down at Jonathan who hadn't made any attempt to get up. Then Joker burst into a fit of laughter, and Jonathan who was lying face down rolled over onto his back to look up at him.

"Get in the car you silly bastard."

Jonathan pulled himself up off the ground and walked around to the passenger's side. Jonathan sat there staring out the window, then he turned to Joker.

"Well now what?" Jonathan said,"It's not like we have the k-" Jonathan stopped mid-sentence because he was to busy staring at the Joker's strange hand gestures to remember what he was going to say.

The Joker was pointing with both of his hands alternating the hands as he did so. Jonathan followed his hands and saw that he was pointing to the key that was in the ignition.

"Key," sang the Joker.

"You know," The Joker said as he turned the key," Some people just have no since, I mean really leaving their car unlocked with the keys in the ignition when they're parked outside of an insane asylum." Joker slammed his foot on the gas pedal sending the two flying in reverse.

Joker pulled out of Arkham and was now driving through the streets of Gotham. And driving quite insanely (haha), Jonathan was gripping tightly to the handle on the roof of the car and to the armrest as well. Joker was speeding, driving on the wrong side of the road, and he might have hit an old lady but Jonathan wasn't positive.

Then the Joker just stopped completely in the middle of the road, turned and looked at Jonathan.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Jonathan screamed, "Drive, damnit, drive!!"

"You know you can't be running around town in that Arkham outfit," Joker stated, " At least not with me anyways I mean look at me," he pulled at various parts of his clothing, "Am I beautiful?"

Jonathan was staring at the road behind them hoping that a car wouldn't come.

"Hey!!" Joker smacked Jonathan's head into the seat that he was staring out from behind.

"What?"

"Am I beautiful?" Joker asked again.

"Eh...yeah," Jonathan said quickly then returning to his post. Watching the road.

A very satisfied Joker continued to ramble.

"Cause you see those inmate uniforms are just about the most disgusting things I've ever seen," Joker poked at Jonathan's orange clothing," And I don't want to associate myself with someone wearing something so disgusting."

"Well what do you propose we do?"

Joker pointed in the backseat where a suit was hanging off that little hook thing on the roof.

"Well that's convenient," Jonathan said crawling into the back to change.

"Actually I think it had something to do with this," Joker handed a envelope to Jonathan, inside the envelope was a wedding invitation.

"This guy was supposed to be going to a wedding," Jonathan said as he rid himself of the horribly colored asylum uniform.

"Sucks to be him," Joker said then pressed on the gas.

* * *

Jonathan was struggling to dress himself in the backseat of a speeding car while Joker was purposely hitting things and making the dressing experience more difficult. Jonathan had his back facing Joker and was buttoning up the white dress shirt when Joker said something very disturbing.

"You know you have a hole in the back of your underwear," Joker said pointing at Jonathan's ass in the rear view mirror," Actually I think there might be two."

Jonathan whipped his head around to look at Joker. " What the fuck," he said as he grabbed the the rest of the suit and jumped back into the trunk. Where he could dress in peace.

" I just thought you might want to know," Joker yelled so Jonathan could hear him from the back," Those underwear aren't the most flattering things."

"Well," Jonathan said as he made his way back to the front seat," I sorry they're not to you're liking."

Joker stopped the car again, "I had a little present for you but since you're being such a smartass I don't know if I want to give it to you anymore."

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "Just give it to me."

"Not until you say 'please'."

"Please."

Joker turned with his back facing towards Jonathan and started fumbling with his jacket. He turned back around and handed something to Jonathan.

"My glasses." In Arkham Asylum inmates with glasses were forced to where contact lens for fear that they would injure themselves or others with their eye wear.

"Well don't sound so excited," Joker said turning back around to fiddle with his jacket some more,"Most ungrateful little bitch I ever met."

Joker turned slightly,"There's something else to."

Joker tossed a mask that looked like a burlap sack that had been ripped apart and sewn back together onto Jonathan's lap.

Jonathan looked down at the mask. "_I'm back," Scarecrow said._

_

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**A/N: thanks for reading i'm really quite sick of these author's notes but whatever thanks again!!**

**im-batman**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: yes thanks and all that. another chapter!!**

**disclaimer - i don't own **

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"No I don't want this," Jonathan said pushing the mask back at Joker.

He did however want his glasses back, he tucked them safely into his inside jacket pocket. He was so sick of wearing these contacts, it wouldn't have been so bad but there weren't many inmates at the asylum with glasses so there wasn't the best accommodations provided for cleaning the lens. Jonathan had gotten an infection from the contacts many times, from them just being so disgusting.

"No, I really think you do," Joker said jumping at Jonathan trying to force the mask onto Jonathan's head.

The two were wrestling back and forth when Joker's foot stepped on the gas. The two continued fighting while the car went speeding down the road hitting things randomly. The car suddenly came to a halt when it slammed into a coffee stand, sending coffee flying into the air.

Joker shoved the mask onto Jonathan's head. "COFFEE RAIN!!" He yelled waving his hands in the air.

Joker pulled the car out of the coffee stand and drove away. Jonathan was sitting beside him, dazed, with the mask on. Inside his head his thoughts were driving him insane.

_"Leave it on," Scarecrow said. _"No," Jonathan thought," I'm taking it off, I don't want this anymore."

This went on in Jonathan's head for a good ten minutes while Joker rambled on about "how pudding is so awesome, he can just slurp it right up and it doesn't bother his scars, but just chocolate pudding though cause vanilla tastes like ASS!!" Poor Joker didn't even realize that Jonathan wasn't paying him attention.

Finally Jonathan took the mask off but he didn't give it back to Joker, he just left it sitting contently on his lap.

"I mean I guess I'll eat it if that's all I have," Joker said still talking about his pudding.

"What?"

"Vanilla pudding, jackass!!" Joker yelled and shoved Jonathan's head into the door.

"Ok I'm sorry," Jonathan said rubbing his head, "What about vanilla pudding?"

"No, no I'm not going to repeat myself now," Joker said.

"Well will you at least tell me where we're going?" Jonathan questioned.

"We're going go get some,"Joker paused and Jonathan was expecting him to say something...well something that you'd expect from the Joker like bombs, guns, or something dangerous like that.

"Movies!" Joker cheered.

"Movies," Jonathan repeated.

"Yeah."

"You broke me out of Arkham so we could watch movies?"

"Well excuse me for being consumed with boredom!!" Joker yelled.

"Are we at least going to steal the movies?" Jonathan asked thinking this whole situation was getting odd.

"I don't know cause you see the place where I go,"

"You have a specific place?"

"Yes, smartass it's in The Narrows," Joker said," Now as I was saying, at the place where I go if I rent two more movies I'll get my next movie half off."

"See I have a card," Joker pulled out a card that had eight stamps out it, it only needed two more.

* * *

Joker pulled into the parking lot of the movie rental place, which was simply called "Movies" easy enough, that's what was sold there. Joker was driving through the parking lot and he passed five empty spaces so finally after the fifth one Jonathan had to ask.

"Why haven't you parked yet?"

Joker slammed on the brakes and Jonathan's head smacked into the dashboard.

"What?" Joker said.

"You've been past like five empty spots," Jonathan tried to explain because he was getting nervous, he could tell Joker was pissed at him for questioning his methods.

"Those weren't my spots," Joker said as he slowly started to drive again.

"What do you mean?"

"I always park in the same place every time I come here," Joker explained, " My spot is seventh one in the third row on the right side."

Jonathan was going to say something but he stopped himself, why should he except any different from the Joker.

"There it is," Joker said pointing to a spot that to Jonathan looked the same as all the other spots they'd passed up, but he wouldn't say that.

Joker started for the spot when a beaten up Oldsmobile Firenza pulled into the same spot. The Joker's cheery, happy face faded into a sad, upset face. It was freaking Jonathan out, he wanted to just get out of the car and walk away but then Joker spoke.

"Son of a bitch took my spot," he said with his head hanging and his bottom lip sticking out a bit.

Then his sadness seemed to turn to rage when he jumped out of the car and headed for the Oldsmobile. Jonathan sat there contemplating weather to go or not, finally he jumped out of the car and followed Joker.

The man in the Oldsmobile was just opening his door when Joker got there, Joker slammed it shut again. It was a good thing for Joker that the windows were rolled down, it would make things easy for him.

Joker leaned down and looked in the window, "Hi."

"Shit," the man breathed.

The man in the car, if you could call him a man he looked more like a kid. He barely looked old enough to be out of high school, tried to get out the other door but Joker grabbed him and slammed him against the seat.

Joker put his mouth next to his victims ear, "This is my spot," he whispered.

And with that he took one of his many knives out and sliced the man down the front.

He wiped the knife of on the guy and stood up out of the car. When he looked up he saw Jonathan staring at him.

"What good did that do?" Jonathan asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You still can't park there cause the guy's dead and can't move his car."

Joker put his knife back in his pocket and straightened his clothes, "Shut the fuck up," he said quickly.

Joker returned to the car and got in, Jonathan opened the door to get in when Joker stopped him.

"You're going to go get the movies," Joker told him, handing him the card.

"But I don't-"

"Shut up," Joker smacked Jonathan in the face.

Jonathan gave Joker the finger and quickly made his way to the video store.

"Don't get anything shitty!!" Joker yelled from the car.

* * *

**A/N: thanks. sorry if the killing part sucked i don't usually do that kinda stuff but anyway hope you liked it!!**

**im-batman**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- thanks as always. hope you like this next chapter! **

**disclaimer - i don't own**

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Jonathan made his way back to the car which hadn't moved from it's spot in between the rows of parking spaces. Jonathan was doing a fast walk but not quite a run because as much as he was not looking forward to getting back into a car with the Joker he didn't like being out walking around The Narrows in the middle of the night. Actually it was more like really early in the morning.

Jonathan got to the car and went to open the door but found it was locked. He started banging on the door and pulling on the handle. Then the Joker popped up and stared out the window at Jonathan.

"Let me in."

Joker started breathing on the window creating a fog on it, and in that fog he wrote "Fuck You" putting two dots above the "u" in fuck to make it look like a smiley face. He peered out from behind his message smiling at Jonathan.

"I have your damn movies," Jonathan said holding up a paper bag that had "Movies" written on it.

Joker clapped his hands and unlocked the door. Jonathan climbed in and threw the bag at Joker. Joker immediately opened the bag and grabbed the movies out.

"Well let's see what you got."

Jonathan sat in his seat staring straight ahead not caring what the Joker was saying.

Joker read the cover of the first movie, "The Wizard of Oz."

"Oh I get it," The Joker said playfully shoving Jonathan,"The whole "Scarecrow" thing." "Right, right, right, right,"Joker continuously poked Jonathan's face.

"Yes, sure, whatever!!" Jonathan yelled smacking Joker's hand away.

Joker poked him once more then looked at the next movie. "Edward Scissorhands," He read.

He stared at Jonathan,"Why'd you get this?"

"Why not?" Jonathan said staring out the window,"It's a great movie."

"But he has scissors for hands." "No one has scissors for hands!!" He yelled turning Jonathan's head towards him and rubbing his hands into his face.

They sat in silence, Joker's hands still on Jonathan's face but not rubbing into it.

"But you know," Joker said removing his hands from Jonathan's face so they were free to talk with,"I think I would quite enjoy knifehands." Joker held his fingers stiffly and poked Jonathan with them.

"Isn't that just the same as scissorhands?" Jonathan asked trying to swat the Joker's hands away.

"No," Said Joker as he poked around Jonathan's lips with his almost knifehands,"You have to open and close scissors, knives are just there."

"But you could stab someone with scissors," Jonathan said licking the Joker's fingers that were on his lips as he did so, "They don't necessarily have to be opened."

"Knives are just better, so fuck off," Joker grabbed the bag again.

Joker looked in the bag practically shoving his entire head into it,"That's all you got?"

"Yeah you said two movies, so two movies," Jonathan pointed at the movies he'd picked.

Joker sighed,"You didn't get any "special interest" movies," Joker said using air quotes.

"What, is that?" Jonathan asked, who honestly didn't have a clue.

"PORN!!" Joker yelled jumping at Jonathan and slamming him up against the door, "PORN YOU IDIOT!"

Jonathan was very frightened at Joker's sudden rage over porn. But he tried his best to stay clam and eventually the Joker released Jonathan.

"Lost my cool there," Joker said sitting back in his seat and preparing to drive off.

* * *

They were driving down the road when Joker remembered his card. And he got very excited about that.

Still driving he turned to Jonathan and said, "Gimme my card."

Jonathan was a little confused at first since he'd been up for so long, and just being around the Joker was making him feel tired.

Jonathan was staring blankly at Joker so a good high five to the face from the Joker woke him up.

"Oh yeah here it is," Jonathan handed the card to Joker.

The Joker's excitement soon faded as he stared down at a card that had only been stamped eight times.

"What happened Scarecrow?"

Jonathan was about to tell him that he wasn't Scarecrow anymore but then he decided against it,"The movie store guy said that he wouldn't stamp the card because the card owner, you, wasn't the one renting the movies." "Apparently it's like their policy."

"Well," Joker said rolling down the window of the moving car,"Screw them!" He yelled throwing the card out the window.

"Oh come on," Jonathan said looking back at the card blowing in the wind,"What the fuck was the point of that?"

But it was like the Joker didn't even hear him, "And we're not returning these movies either, NO!" "We're going sell 'em"

"Ok so apart from ripping off "Movies" what else are we going to do?"

"We're going home," Joker said plainly.

"You own a home?"Jonathan asked thinking that it was completely impossible.

"This word "own," Joker took his hands off the steering wheel to do air quotes.

Jonathan held up his hand, he used his imagination as to how the Joker acquired a house.

* * *

After a few minutes of silence Joker pulled into a driveway. It was a house in The Narrows but one of the less shitty ones that you'd find. Joker was vigorously pushing the garage door opener on the car's visor and getting very pissed off when it wouldn't work.

"SHIT!!" He yelled throwing the opener out the window and into the yard.

"You do know that that went to a different garage," Jonathan said trying not to sound like a know-it-all.

Joker poked him in the eye and went into the house.

* * *

**A/N- thanks for reading. please review it makes me smile!! And just to clarify i love Edward Scissorhands it's Joker who has a problem with him and yes i've officially gone insane.**

**im-batman**


	6. Chapter 6

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Disclaimer - i don't own

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**

Jonathan was sitting in the car blinking excessively, in an attempt to make his eye feel better. He blinked again and he felt a bulging in his eye, which he assumed was a folded contact. He was right. So instead of trying to unfold the lens he abandoned the contacts all together, took out his glasses and put them on. Jonathan was about to go into the house when _he _started going on again.

_"Let's just leave," Scarecrow said. _

"What?" Jonathan asked.

_"We're in the car let's just go."_

"No I'm not doing that."

_"So you want to spend some more time with the clown, look I'm getting sick of him."_

"Good, then leave!" Jonathan yelled flinging his arms around as he spoke.

The whole time the Joker was staring out his bedroom window which was upstairs so he had a good view of the car, he was watching Jonathan.

"That's a weird one right there," Joker said pointing down at the car.

"Look," Jonathan said pointing, " Joker took the keys with him."

_"Well how long do you intend to stick around here?"_

"I'm not doing this right now," Jonathan said then he grabbed the movies and went into the house.

* * *

Joker's house was a perfect example of the statement "You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover." Because despite it's not so terrible outside the inside of the house was much worse. Food was everywhere, dishes were piled up in the sink, and the trash can was over flowing. Jonathan decided to ignore the mess and go find Joker.

Jonathan walked up the stairs and entered a hallway with four doors, he was unsure as to which one was the Joker's but then he looked closer at the door at the end of the hall. This door had 'My Room' carved into it, so he assumed that was Joker's room, and when he heard someone fumbling around the room his assumption was confirmed.

Jonathan walked right into Joker's room and immediately wished he hadn't. Joker was standing on his bed attempting to take his pants off, with much difficulty, he was pulling on his left pant leg when he fell down onto the bed then rolling off of it onto the floor.

"BOB SAGET!!" He yelled standing back up and ripping his pants down.

He looked up after removing his trousers and saw Jonathan.

"May I help you?" He asked kicking his pants completely off. Leaving him in nothing but his underwear and his incredibly cool socks.

"What are you doing?" Jonathan asked.

"What does it look like?" Joker said snapping the waistband of his boxers, "I'm changing my clothes, moron."

"Why, what was wrong with those clothes?"

"Those were my working clothes I have to change into my relaxation clothes."

Joker grabbed some clothes from various places in the room and went running behind a changing screen in the corner, wondering why but not questioning Jonathan stood waiting for Joker to finish. When Joker emerged from behind the screen he seemed to be wearing the same clothes that he had just taken off. Jonathan was going to call this to his attention but he figured there was some weird reasoning behind it.

"Come on I'll show you you're room," Joker said jumping out of the room.

* * *

Joker pushed open the door cautiously like something was going to jump out at them. Jonathan looked into his room and was disappointed, it was a girl's room, there wasn't much in it but you could tell. The blanket covering the mattress on the floor was pink, he could see into the closet and see girl's clothes hanging up, sort of preteen. The walls were pathetically painted pink, in the corner the were about ten thousand stuffed animals.

Jonathan turned to Joker, "Why?"

"Cause you're my bitch," Joker said happily.

"Well what about the other rooms what's in them?"

"One's a bathroom and the other's another kid's room."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

"Then why?"

"Bitch," Joker said as he poked Jonathan's stomach.

* * *

Jonathan was laying in his room looking around at it when something caught his eye. He walked over to the old looking school desk and picked up what looked to be the shell of a book. He opened it up and discovered that all the pages were missing. Jonathan now wondering how this could have happened took the book and went to find Joker, suspecting that he had something to do with it.

He found Joker in the living room eating a giant bowl of chocolate pudding and watching Deal Or No Deal.

"Take the fucking deal you damn prick!" Joker yelled at the screen, flicking his spoon as he did, get pudding on the TV.

"Joker."

Joker was unfazed by Jonathan saying his name. So Jonathan risked his life and turned off the TV.

"Joker, what's this?" Jonathan said holding up what used to be a book.

"That is a book."

"No it's not, not anymore," Jonathan said opening it up showing Joker that there were no pages inside.

"So," Joker said standing up and putting his pudding on the coffee table.

"Well did you do this," Jonathan said looking toward the book.

"Yes I did and do you want to know why."

"That you be why I'm asking," Jonathan said, " Yes I do."

"First of all do you even know what book that is?"

Jonathan actually hadn't really read the cover so he closed the book and read it, "Twilight."

"Yes Twilight, a disgusting book that is why after reading two pages of it I began tearing the pages out one by one," Joker said.

Jonathan went to say something but was interrupted by Joker,"Then when I had gotten all the pages tore out I burned them."

"You burned them?" Jonathan said in disbelief,"Where?"

"Over there," Joker said pointing to the corner of the room.

Jonathan walked over to the corner and saw a big black circle on the carpet.

"Why?"

"It's such a stupid book, a sparkly vampire falls in love with a teenage girl," Joker said,"BULL SHIT!!"

* * *

Joker went back to his pudding and Jonathan was heading for the stairs when Joker yelled at him making him jump.

"Let's go get some drugs!!"

* * *

**A/N - YES I AM A GREAT HATER OF TWILIGHT!! SO IF ANYONE HAS SEEN TOURETTES GUY (R.I.P) YOU'LL KNOW THAT'S WHERE I GOT THE BOB SAGET!! THING FROM. I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER THANKS FOR READING. NEXT CHAPTER'S GOING TO BE AWESOME JOKER AND JONATHAN ON DRUGS!**

**im-batman**


	7. Chapter 7

****

A/N: thanks and all that.

**disclaimer - i don't own anything at all.**

* * *

"You want what?" Jonathan said.

"DRUGS!!" Joker yelled grabbing Jonathan and dragging him out of the house.

The two jumped in the car, well Joker jumped in Jonathan just walked around to his side and got in. And went speeding down the streets of The Narrows. Apparently Joker had done this before because he knew exactly where he was going, they stopped at the beginning of an alley and got out to walk because the car wouldn't fit through the alleyway.

Now Jonathan hadn't been to The Narrows much but during the few times he had been there was at least three drug dealers in every alley. But this one that they had walked into was empty, aside from garbage of course. Halfway into the alley Jonathan noticed something green on the right wall the closer they got he realized it was a door. They stopped once they got to the door but Joker didn't open it.

After standing there for ten minutes and Joker had confirmed it was a door, at least that's what Jonathan assumed, Joker slammed himself against the door. Joker slammed his whole body against the door a few times then when no one opened it he began kicking at it, and finally smacking his head off it, pretty much used anything he could as long as it wasn't his hands.

Joker was just leaning his head on the door now, resting. Then someone whipped it open and Joker rolled inside, he casually stood up as soon as he hit the floor and continued walking. Jonathan was still out in the alley unsure of what he was about to walk into. Joker had to walk back out into the alley and pull Jonathan in with him.

Inside the building any windows had been covered with towels to darken the room, and there was one lamp in the corner. And a few candles in various places of the room. So the room was very dimly lit. There was a man sitting at the table that the lap was sitting on, that was where Joker immediately went to.

"This is Paco," Joker said to Jonathan pointing to the man at the table.

"Hey I'm-," Jonathan began.

"No," Joker said turning to Jonathan,"You have no lines in this play."

Jonathan went and stood by the door and allowed Joker and Paco to converse. Paco stood up, walked into another room and came back out with a suitcase. Joker jumped around in circles when he saw the suitcase.

"This what you came for?" Paco asked.

"Yea," Joker said.

Paco layed the case down on the table preparing to open it, which made Jonathan curious or maybe it was Scarecrow but whoever it was Jonathan went back over to the table. Paco opened the case and inside it was just about every drug Jonathan knew of. Acid, pot, weed, cocaine, meth, speed, opium and a few other things he didn't know of.

"So what ya what?" Paco said.

"All of it," Joker said like it was so normal.

"Cool," Paco said holding his hand out wanting his money.

Joker pulled a huge wad of cash out of his pocket and threw it at Paco. Then he inspected his purchase. He grabbed the bag of cocaine and began looking at it and poking it.

"Is this good stuff?"

"Yea it's the best," Paco said counting his money.

"Well I sure hope so," Joker said throwing it back in the suitcase, shutting it and picking it up,"Cause if it's not I'm going track you down and chew on your face."

* * *

As soon as they were out of the building Jonathan took of running for the car, Joker just strolled along with his suitcase-o-drugs. Once Joker was in the car the first thing he did was take out the cocaine and a knife, he got some out on the tip of his knife and snorted it up. He filled his knife up a second time and offered it to Jonathan, who declined, so Joker just took it himself.

"Oh yeah that's good stuff," Joker said, sniffing.

Joker took out a cigarette and light that up, again Jonathan didn't want any.

"Come on, you have to do something man," Joker said kicking the case that was on the floor.

"Not right now."

"Alright fine," Joker said pressing on the gas.

* * *

When they got home Joker closed all the blinds and dumped all his drugs out on the coffee table. The full effects of the cocaine hadn't set in yet since he'd driven home at a dangerously fast speed. Jonathan walked in and mumbled something about having to take a piss, but Joker hardly heard him, he was in his own little happy drug filled world.

When Jonathan came back downstairs Joker was sitting on the couch poking at a bowl of pudding, Jonathan walked over and stood in front of him.

"This is really fucking hard," Joker said, "I can't even squish it."

Jonathan looked down at Joker's finger that was completely submerged in pudding.

"So what all have you done?" Jonathan said as he sat down beside Joker.

"A little of everything," Joker said sucking on his pudding finger.

"Holy shit," Jonathan thought.

"Ok you have to do something," Joker pushed some of the cocaine at Jonathan.

"Fine, fine," Jonathan pushed Joker away,"But not that," He pointed to the cocaine.

Jonathan looked around the table and picked up a square of acid and ate it. Joker was sitting beside him clapping.

"Yea acid!!" Joker sang.

* * *

**A/N - YEAH I KNOW I'M A FUCKING LIAR. BUT THIS CHAPTER JUST WAS GETTING SO LONG WITH THE WHOLE PROCESS OF GETTING THE DRUGS AND ALL, BUT I PROMISE NEXT CHAPTER YOU'LL SEE THE EFFECTS OF THE DRUGS ON JOKER AND JONATHAN. I JUST FEEL REALLY SHITTY RIGHT NOW, I HAVEN'T SLEPT A WHOLE LOT THIS WEEKEND AND NOW IT'S CATCHING UP WITH ME. SO SORRY IF YOU WERE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS, BUT NEXT ONE FOR SURE :) THANKS FOR READING!!**

**im-batman**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - THANKS. ALRIGHT NOW I'VE NEVER DONE ANY DRUGS SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ACT, AND I'M NOT SO DEDICATED TO MY STORY THAT I WOULD GO OUT AND GET HIGH TO FIGURE IT OUT...NO. SO I'M GOING TO DO THE BEST I CAN FROM JUST GENERAL KNOWLEDGE. ENJOY!!**

**DISCLAIMER - I DON'T OWN!!**

* * *

There was no way to describe the terror that Jonathan was feeling.

It took about twenty minutes for the acid to fully work it's way into Jonathan's system. And when it did, fuck, did he have one hell of a trip! Somehow Jonathan had ended up under the coffee table, Joker was still sitting on the couch sprinkling cocaine over his pudding. Jonathan scooted out from under the table so his head was between Joker's feet, he stared up at Joker as he took a big spoonful of his cocaine-pudding.

As Jonathan stared up at Joker strange things were happening. The whole house seemed to be spinning but Joker and Jonathan weren't moving at all. And Joker's head morphed in to that of a gorilla's head, with the make-up still on and everything. Now Jonathan was getting really freaked out, then Joker bent down and started screaming in Jonathan's face.

Jonathan jumped out from under the coffee table, knocking it over in the process and spilling Joker's bowl of pudding and a line of cocaine that he was about to snort.

"DAMN IT!!" Joker yelled standing up from the couch and stomping over to a terrified Jonathan.

"That was the last of the chocolate pudding!" Joker yelled," Now I have to eat vanilla!"

Jonathan didn't respond to Joker he was rubbing his eyes and blinking trying to make the madness stop. Joker wasn't a monkey anymore, now he had two heads, and the walls of the house were melting all around them.

Joker was mumbling about how "he can't eat that shit," when Jonathan got up the courage to say something.

"Hey Joker I'm -," Jonathan was cut off by a Joker rant.

"NO!" One of the heads yelled, "Don't you call me Joker just cause I'm Joker!" The other head yelled.

"What?" Jonathan said walking backward.

"Shut up," The heads said coming back together as one.

Jonathan tripped over the fallen coffee table and fell face down into a pile of cocaine that was spilled on the floor.

"Eat it," Joker said standing with one leg on either side of Jonathan.

Jonathan began licking at the drug that was piled on the floor.

Jonathan started coughing and gagging, he rolled onto his back which knocked Joker down onto the floor with him. Joker wasted no time in rolling over on top of Jonathan and licking from the pile of cocaine, then not getting off of Jonathan but just rolling onto his back but still on top of him the two layed there in a drug induced trance.

Then at last speaking began, even though it was quite strange.

"I feel funny," Jonathan said as he shoved Joker off of him and sat up.

"I didn't feel anything," Joker falling back into a laying position.

Jonathan's sitting up didn't last long, soon enough he was back on the floor laying beside Joker.

"Is this real life?" Jonathan moaned.

Joker held two fingers up in the air, "I have two fingers."

"I can't see anything," Jonathan said as he rolled on the floor.

"I have four fingers," Joker stated, now holding four fingers in the air.

Joker whipped out a knife a started sucking on the blade.

"Don't put that in your mouth," Jonathan said, smacking Joker in the arm.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Joker screamed and threw the knife across the room.

"Why is this happening?" Jonathan questioned as he thrashed on the floor.

"Drugs, drugs," Joker sang happily to himself.

"Is this going to be forever?" Jonathan cried.

* * *

**A/N - SHIT!!!! OH I'M SO DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THIS CHAPTER I THINK I'M GOING TO VOMIT. IT' SO SHORT AND I HATE THAT BUT I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER AND I NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT. SO I'M SORRY FOR THIS VERY SHITTY CHAPTER, BUT THANKS FOR READING ANYWAY!! THERE IS SOME DAVID AFTER DENTIST QUOTES IN THIS CHAPTER YOU SHOULD GO WATCH THE VIDEO IF YOU NEVER HAVE IT'S PRETTY FUNNY. LINK!! .com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I KNOW I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR TAKING THIS LONG TO UPDATE BUT FOR THE PAST WEEK MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN A BITCH, IT'S OKAY I GOT IT ALL FIXED. AND THEN I HAVE FINALS AND ALL THAT SHIT SO I'VE JUST BEEN PRETTY DRAINED. OK ENOUGH MAKING EXCUSES HERE'S CHAPTER 9!!**

**DISCLAIMER - I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**

* * *

But it didn't last forever soon enough Jonathan's eyes opened and he looked around, he still seemed to be in Joker's living room. He didn't know what time it was but it appeared to be dark outside so Jonathan just assumed it was night. He didn't remember much from the previous night all he knew was that he felt like shit.

As he looked around the room things were slowly coming back to him. Then he looked directly in front of him and saw the Joker standing there with his hands behind his back. Joker walked closer to Jonathan till he was standing over him with one leg on either side of Jonathan's body. Joker revealed what he had been keeping behind his back, he pulled out a big bowl.

He held this bowl over Jonathan, then he turned it upside-down dumping it's contents all over Jonathan. Some sort of pudding rained down on Jonathan's face and chest.

"What is this?" Jonathan sputtered as pudding fell into his mouth when he spoke.

"It's BULL SHIT!!" Joker yelled,"That's what that is,"

"It tastes like vanilla but not really," Jonathan said licking his lips trying to figure out the favor of the pudding.

"That's because I tried adding chocolate syrup to vanilla pudding but it still tastes like ASS!!" Joker said leaning down and rubbing the pudding all over Jonathan's face.

"Oh no," Joker said standing up,wiping his hands off on his clothes,"Now you need a bath."

* * *

"Take off your pants DAMNIT!!" Joker yelled.

Joker was standing in the bathtub completely naked yelling at Jonathan who was standing in the corner with his shirt off and a face full of pudding.

"Take them off," Joker said pointing at Jonathan.

"No," Jonathan protested.

Jonathan wouldn't take his pants off but he did eventually go over and get in the tub of water with Joker. The two stood there staring at each other, Jonathan's arms were folded uncomfortably across his chest and Joker was grinning happily. Then Joker sat down in the tub and water splashed out over the sides of the bathtub and on to the floor. Joker was smiling up at Jonathan so Jonathan sighed and slid down into the water with Joker.

Jonathan sat at one end of the bathtub, the faucet head was digging into his back as he was holding his knees to his chest trying to stay as far away from Joker as possible. Joker was doing something with his hands under the water. Jonathan was getting very uncomfortable in the tub, the water was beginning to get cold and the pudding on Jonathan's face was starting to irritate him.

Then all to suddenly Joker stood up, walked over to Jonathan and started jerking on the shower head. Jonathan's eyes grew huge as he was now at eye level with little Joker.

"I know this comes off," Joker was muttering.

Jonathan was thinking how he could not be in a worse place right now, having Joker's dick being repeatedly pressed to his face as Joker tried to remove the shower head. _"I told you we should have left." _"Again with this." _"Look at you this is pathetic." _"Even if we did leave where the hell are we gonna go?" _"We cou-"_

A burst of water hit Jonathan in the face silencing whatever the Scarecrow was going to say. Jonathan had been so distracted with his thoughts that he didn't realize the Joker had gotten the shower head off. Jonathan wiped his eyes free off water and pudding to see Joker sitting across from him in the tub with the detachable shower head ready to spray again.

"Reach for the sky," Joker said.

Joker sprayed Jonathan's face until no more pudding remained.

"Can I spray you're face?" Jonathan asked, he had always secretly wondered what Joker was hiding under that make-up.

"Will you take off your pants?"

"No," Jonathan answered.

"Then no," Joker said spraying Jonathan in the face again.

"All the pudding's washed off," Jonathan sputtered as he spit the water out of his mouth.

Jonathan stood up to leave the bathroom, when he did Joker took advantage off this and pulled Jonathan's pants down around his knees. Jonathan fell backwards, hit his head on the rim of the bathtub and was knocked unconscious.

"Well," Joker said as he stood up and pulled the plug out of the bottom of the tub to drain it,"That wasn't supposed to happen."

Then Joker walked out of the bathroom leaving Jonathan in the bathtub wet, unconscious, and his pants pulled down.

* * *

**A/N: AHHH! DAMN ME AND THESE SHORT CHAPTERS I KEEP WRITING. DAMN ME TO HELL!! SORRY IF THE "SLASH" WAS SHIT I USUALLY DON'T WRITE LIKE THAT. SO ANOTHER EXCUSE AS TO WHY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT, I'M IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING A ONESHOT!! BATMAN/DARK KNIGHT OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL GET IT OUT BUT I'M WORKING ON IT. ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: YES THANKS AND ALL THAT SHIT...NO THAT SOUNDS BAD...AH WHATEVER ENJOY CHAPTER 10!!**

**DISCLAIMER- I DON'T OWN!**

* * *

When Jonathan came to he was lying in his bed and the remainder of his clothes had been removed. Sunlight streamed in through the window, shining on to Jonathan's face. Jonathan squeezed his eyes shut, his head was throbbing terribly, it felt like he was being hit repeatedly.

Jonathan opened his eyes and saw Joker was sitting on top of him smacking him in the head. The smacking of Jonathan's face stopped for a moment so Joker could yell into it instead.

"GET UP GET UP GET UP," Joker yelled.

Jonathan tried to roll onto his stomach, hoping that it would make the Joker fall off of him. Joker realized what he was trying to do so he jumped up from the bed, pulling Jonathan with him. Joker pulled a dead acting Jonathan over to the window.

"There's a whole wonderful world out there just waiting for us," Joker said staring lovingly out the window.

Jonathan looked out to see what was making the Joker so happy, he looked out and saw a man holding another man down and stabbing him repeatedly. Once the stabber was finished he got up and began to run away, but then he stopped went back to the lifeless body and shot him a few times.

"Isn't beautiful?" Joker said, "Let's go out there and poke him with a stick." Joker started jumping up and down.

"What the hell?" Jonathan questioned.

Joker stopped jumping and stared at Jonathan. "You don't get me at all," Joker said, then he kicked Jonathan in the back of the knees and stormed out of the room.

* * *

Jonathan laid there on the floor, not bothering to get up, not really caring anymore. He didn't know how long he'd been laying there. He started looking around the room when he saw the Scarecrow mask laying next to the bed, he didn't know why but he went over and picked it up. He rolled onto his mattress and held the mask up to stare at it. He was about to put it on when he heard a terrible noise and something slammed into the house so hard that it felt like the whole place was shaking.

Jonathan got freaked out and threw the mask across the room. He sat there a while thinking of what could have possibly happened to the house when he heard Joker rummaging around in the kitchen. Jonathan put some pants on but couldn't seem to find his shirt. So the shirtless Jonathan walked through the kitchen door and was greeted by a bright colorful bird flying at him.

"Parrot no," Joker said smacking the bird away from Jonathan's head,"We talked about this, you only do that if he's being mean to Daddy."

Jonathan forgot all about the parrot and focused on what he came in there for.

"What was that noise?" Jonathan asked.

"What noise?" Joker said as he dug through bag on the table.

"That horrible noise a couple of minutes ago, it shook the whole fucking house."

"Oh thaaaaat," Joker pulled something out of one of the bags and turned his back to Jonathan,"That was just me pulling into the garage."

"Ok," Jonathan said sitting down and watching the parrot fly around the room but then he remembered something,"Wait a minute, Joker you don't have any way to open the garage."

"Oh I know."

Jonathan got up to look out the window and saw Joker's car sticking halfway out of a closed garage door.

"These people had a lot of shit in their garage," Joker said,"It was going fine but i couldn't pull in anymore because of all the crap in there."

Jonathan decided not to dwell on this and move on to something else.

* * *

"So where'd you go?" Jonathan asked sitting back down at the table.

"SHOPPING!!"

"Shopping," The parrot mocked.

Jonathan laid his head down on the table, "What'd you get?"

"Cereal, that parrot," Joker pointed up,"And an eye patch!!" Joker spun around revealing to Jonathan the patch covering his right eye.

Jonathan kept his head on the table, Joker didn't like this because if his head was down he couldn't see his new eye wear. So Joker walked closer to the table and slammed his hands down on it caused Jonathan to jolt up, and when he did he looked very confused.

"Why?"

"Because now that I have a parrot I've decided to become a pirate," Joker said as he adjusted he eye patch.

"Pirate, pirate,"the parrot said.

"Ok,"Jonathan said.

Joker's parrot came down and landed on his shoulder.

"So what's it's name?"

"Parrot," Joker said as he fed the bird pieces of cereal,well he was throwing the cereal at the bird and some of it managed to get into it's mouth.

Jonathan put his head back on the table.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because pirates-"

"Pirates," Parrot mocked.

"Because pirates are fucking-"

"Fucking," mocked Parrot.

"Because pirates are fucking cool," Joker finally finished his sentence.

The parrot flew of Joker's shoulder and onto the top of the fridge.

"Cool," Parrot said.

"THAT'S IT!" Joker pulled a handgun out of his coat and fired it at the bird.

Blood and bird guts splattered the wall and part of the refrigerator. Joker walked over opened the top part of the fridge that was the most covered in blood, reached into the freezer and got a fudge pop. He sat back down at the table and started furiously sucking on it.

"Well that dream is dead," Joker said taking off his eye patch and throwing it.

* * *

**A/N: YEA I HAD TO PUT THE FUDGE POP THING IN THERE CAUSE I JUST ATE ONE SO YEAH... I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER. ALRIGHT JUST SOME NOTICE I WON'T BE UPDATING FOR AWHILE BECAUSE TOMORROW I'M LEAVING TO WORK AT CREATION WITH Sweet Coldkiss I JUST WANTED TO PUT THAT OUT THERE SO YOU ALL DIDN'T THINK I WAS JUST BEING LAZY. ANYWHO THANKS FOR READING NOW GO REVIEW!!**

**im-batman**


	11. Chapter 11

****

A/N- And here we go.

**Disclaimer: i own nothing!!**

* * *

Jonathan's head was laying on the table when Joker pulled him up by his hair and began forcing a shirt over his head. A very startled Jonathan flailed about, struggling against the Joker until he fell out of his chair. Jonathan sat on the floor looking quite pathetic with his shirt stuck on his head. With one good yank from the Joker the shirt came down over Jonathan's face.

Jonathan finished putted the shirt on while Joker inspected the blood-covered refrigerator. Joker wiped his middle finger across the the freezer door, he stared at it intently then slowly brought it towards his mouth.

"Oh don't," Jonathan said as he stood to his feet.

Joker looked like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He quickly wiped his finger off on his coat and went running upstairs. And for some reason Jonathan went after him, Joker was acting just like a kid he had locked himself in his room and refused to come out.

"Please come out Joker."

"Nooooo," Joker said drawing it out.

"Please," Jonathan asked not really knowing why he was pleading so much,"If you come out we'll do whatever you want." Jonathan immediately regretted his statement.

Jonathan heard a bunch of locks being undone then the door swung open.

"We're going to the playground," Joker said.

* * *

**A/N - A THOUSAND APOLOGIES FOR THE EXTREMELY SHORT CHAPTER I FEEL LIKE SHIT BECAUSE OF IT. BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS SOMETHING SINCE I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON AND IT'S BEEN LIKE A MONTH. ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS AND I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER!!**

**im-batman**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - Ok again i'm very sorry for that last chapter that was made of shit but this you will be great so i think i'll write it now.**

**Disclaimer - i own nothing!!**

* * *

The very odd pair pulled up at the playground, Joker jumped out of the car and ran for the first thing he saw. Jonathan however slowly made his way out of the car, he was more miserable than was to be expected because the Joker forced him to wear his mask. Jonathan walked onto the sanded area that was the Narrows Park to find Joker swinging far to high and beside the swing a boy that couldn't have been anymore than six years old sat and cried.

When Joker saw Jonathan he jumped off his swing at it's peak, he flew in the air before he came crashing down on top of Jonathan. When Joker made his ever so graceful landing the little boy stopped crying, stood to his feet, stared back and forth at the two men laying on top of one another in the sand then he took off running.

Joker rolled off of Jonathan and stood up.

"So what'd you do to that kid?" Jonathan asked standing to his feet and brushing sand off of various places.

Joker gasped putting his hand to his heart, "What makes you think I did anything?"

Not caring enough to continue in their conversation Jonathan walked away and sat down on the lower side of a see-saw. Joker ran up into the wooded jungle gym. Jonathan heard an odd noise coming from Joker's general direction so he went up to investigate. Jonathan crawled up the ladder to find Joker hunched down on the floor scraping the wall and muttering to himself.

Jonathan was very tempted to just let go of the ladder and let himself fall but then he determined that the fall wouldn't kill him so he decided against it. Jonathan walked across the wooden planks that felt as though they might give out at any moment, and over to the clown sitting on the floor. Joker hadn't seemed to realize that Jonathan was there so Jonathan tapped him on the shoulder.

Joker turned quickly pointing a knife at Jonathan, startled, Jonathan fell backwards on his ass. Joker saw that it was just Jonathan and turned back to his wall, Jonathan caught his breath, stood up and rubbed his butt. Jonathan walked up behind Joker to see what he was doing, as far as he could tell Joker was carving a heart into the wall.

Jonathan looked at the rest of the wall and saw the usual play set art, C+T, I luv Mark, FUCK YOU, D+K 4ever. Jonathan rolled his eyes under his mask and walked to the other side of the little area. Jonathan stared out at the Narrows until he heard Joker sing "I'm done." Then Jonathan walked back over to look at Joker's creation.

Joker had stood up and stepped back to stare at his work. Jonathan got down at eye level to read it, Joker had carved a big heart and on the inside it read J+J or S and below that he put BFF. Joker kissed his knife before he put it back in his coat, Jonathan stood up and started towards the ladder but Joker stuck his leg out and tripped him.

"Ha ha ha ha," Joker laughed in Jonathan's face then ran for the ladder.

Joker didn't bother with the ladder, he just jumped, hit the ground and kept running. It wasn't long before Jonathan heard Joker yelling for him, it was odd it sounded like he was yelling "Jonathan" which couldn't be since he refused to call him that. Jonathan made his way down the ladder and looked around for Joker, he spotted him standing on the slide.

As Jonathan walked over to the slide and Joker continued to scream for him even though it was extremely obvious that he was coming, Jonathan heard Joker say "Joncrow."

Once at the slide Jonathan questioned Joker on this oddness.

"Helllllooo," Joker said from above.

"Were you saying Joncrow?"

"Yes."

"Would you care to explain," Jonathan said.

"Well since you're all weird and don't know if you want to be call Jonathan or Scarecrow I thought that this was a happy medium," Joker said seeming very pleased with himself.

"But I know I want to be called Jonathan."

Joker pulled one of his knives out and threw it at Jonathan. Even thought the knife was closed it still cracked Jonathan in the head.

"Alright," Jonathan said holding his head, "It's Scarecrow then, cause Joncrow is just stupid."

Joker reached into his coat again.

"No don't, I'm sorry."

"Good now that that's settled go to the bottom of the slide."

Scarecrow walked cautious to the end of the slide, "Why?"

"Catch me so I don't get hurt," Joker said and before Scarecrow had time to react Joker was off down the slide.

* * *

**A/N - ok there ya go. Jonathan has made the transition to Scarecrow. and that last line "Catch me so i don't get hurt." that is from my 3 year old cousin she says that when she's on the slide. so anyway i hope this chapter didn't disappoint and thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	13. Chapter 13

Scarecrow was sleeping on the mattress that laid on his bedroom floor, extremely tired from his day at the playground. He was almost in a deep sleep when he heard a clicking noise making it's way into his room. The noise came up to his head and stopped so Scarecrow pulled his mask up and peeked out to see what was making the noise.

After he saw the noisemaker he wanted nothing more than to pull the mask back down and fake sleep. Standing proudly in front of Scarecrow was Joker, in a pair of red four inch heels, a too tight nurse's outfit and thigh high white fishnets. You could tell the skirt had been cut off to the middle of Joker's thigh, you could see his garters sticking out from under the skirt. He had the top two buttons of the shirt undone, and he was wearing a pearl necklace. And of course he had a nurse's hat on, and under that hat was a red wig.

Scarecrow took his mask off and sat up.

"Where did you get that?"

"The former owners of the house were apparently kinky," Joker said turning around to give Scarecrow a view from all angles.

"Are you wearing pearls?"

"Yes," Joker said touching his necklace, " Pearls symbolize purity, innocence, and honesty."

Scarecrow stared back at Joker with a more confused look on his face than anyone in the history of forever.

"Alright," Scarecrow put his mask back on and walked over to Joker, " Why'd you do all this, I mean you're not going to go out of the house like this?"

Joker's permanent smile grew even wider as he took Scarecrow's hand and dragged him out of the room.

* * *

It was amazing how well Joker could manage himself in heels while Scarecrow was struggling against him, trying desperately to pull away. They wound up in Joker's room, once they were inside Joker slammed the door shut and locked all of his various chains and locks. Even though Scarecrow was perfectly capable of undoing them and getting out, it would just take him a little longer and Joker would probably notice and then beat him up.

Scarecrow looked around the room and when he looked down at the bed he saw that Joker had outfits laid out for him. There were three, Scarecrow was unsure whether that meant he got to pick or Joker did. He soon got his answer. Joker was staring intently at the clothes on the bed, and Scarecrow was praying to God that he didn't pick the one in the middle.

Joker reached out to grab his choice and of course he picked the one in the middle. Joker threw a hot pink halter top dress at Scarecrow, Scarecrow just let the dress hit him and fall to the floor. Joker came stomping over to him and Scarecrow braced himself for some form of a hit but Joker moved the dress out of the way and took Scarecrow's mask off.

Joker started rubbing make-up all over Scarecrow's face. Then Joker walked off and a blond wig came flying at Scarecrow. Then for some reason something inside of Scarecrow or maybe it was Jonathan he didn't know just didn't care anymore, or maybe it was that he didn't want to piss Joker off probably some of both, either way he started changing right there in front of Joker and into the pink dress.

Once Scarecrow was all dressed wig and all he suddenly felt very uncomfortable, while he was putting the wig on Joker had thrown some white boots at him. Scarecrow was examining himself in the mirror thinking how his face looked good enough but the rest of him looked like crap in this dress, and then he thought how stupid he was for just thinking that.

He turned to Joker who was painting what Scarecrow hoped were fake nails.

"Is there a coat a could wear?"

Joker looked up from his nails to glare and Scarecrow, "What?"

"I mean I just- I I don't really think," Scarecrow stumbled over his words.

"Just shut up," Joker opened up a big wardrobe and pulled out a fur coat with his dry hand, "Here, you pussy," He said throwing the coat to Scarecrow.

Scarecrow put the coat on and looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't look that bad as a woman. Joker walked up beside him and slammed a pink kinda floppy hat down on his head.

"Why'd you do that?" Scarecrow said adjusting the hat.

"We both needed hats on."

The two were staring at their finished products in the mirror then Joker spoke.

"Let's go hoe."

* * *

**A/N - so there ya go. next chapter's gonna be pretty awesome Joker and Scarecrow in drag and in the streets of Gotham it's gonna be great!! so i hope everyone liked this chapter and thanks for reading!**

**im-batman**


	14. Chapter 14

**A-N: Oh my god Pepsi and fucking PEEPS!! That is the reason that i have been able to give you all 3 chapters 3 days in a row. i have discovered that drinking Pepsi Max and eating peeps in excess fuels me to write. though it might not be good for me...whatever enjoy!!**

**disclaimer - i do not own.**

* * *

Joker walked down the cement slabs on the grass, somehow swinging his hips and not over doing it and looking ridiculous. Scarecrow stood in the doorway staring out at Joker hoping that maybe he would suddenly get bored with all this and come back in the house.

But then Joker turned and looked at Scarecrow. "Come on," He sang.

Scarecrow stepped out of the house and closed the door behind him. He made a pathetic attempt to walk as well as Joker and nearly twisted his ankle. So he gave up on that and walked like a guy. When he reached the sidewalk Joker was looking less than pleased.

"What?" Scarecrow asked, he thought Joker should be over joyed with him, he was about to go out in public with him in drag what more could he want.

"You need to walk like a lady," Joker said pushing Scarecrow's slumped shoulders back.

Scarecrow sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me attitude young lady," Joker said, "Now let's get going."

* * *

They were out of the Narrows and on the nicer streets in Gotham when Joker started acting up.

Joker hooked his arm in Scarecrow's and started to sing.

"The night we met I knew I needed you so"

"And if I had the chance I'd never let you go" Joker's grip on Scarecrow's arm tightened.

"So won't you say you love me"

"I'll make you so proud of me" Joker put his head on Scarecrow's shoulder, Scarecrow was trying his best to stare straight ahead.

"We'll make 'em turn their heads"

"Every place we go"

"So won't you please"

"Be my be my baby"

"Be my little baby"

Joker turned his head from Scarecrow and sang softer to the ground " My one and only baby"

He turned back, " Say you'll be my darlin' "

He turned again, "Be my be my baby"

He turned back, "Be my baby now"

"Whoa oh oh oh" Joker's "oh" was sounding more sexual than not.

"I"ll make you happy baby"

"Just wait and see"

"For every kiss you give me"

"I"ll give you three" Joker paused to kiss Scarecrow on the cheek three times.

"Oh, since the day I saw you"

"I have been waiting for you"

"You know I will adore you"

"Till eternity"

"So won't you please"

"Ooh ohh oh"

Scarecrow turned to Joker and realized that he wasn't singing anymore but he was pointing excitedly at the building in front of them.

"Oh we're here," Joker said untangling himself from Scarecrow and heading for the building.

Scarecrow followed Joker, they got close to the entrance when Scarecrow looked up, The Gotham Tower. This was the place where that Bruce Wayne was living now, while his place was being rebuilt, oh shit, Scarecrow thought.

Joker and Scarecrow walked right through the lobby with no problem, even though Joker was waving and blowing kisses to everyone he saw. The two stepped into the elevator and Joker pressed the button labeled 'penthouse' and of they went.

The elevator doors slid open to a very shocked Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred turned white as a sheet when he saw the two "ladies" staring back at him. He of course recognized the Joker and he just assumed the blond standing behind him was his newest accomplice Harley Quinn but the longer he stared at "her" he realized that she was a he.

"Is the man of the house in?" Joker asked.

* * *

**A/n - Ok just to start with so nobody kills me Joker does NOT know that Bruce Wayne is Batman just to clarify that. Ok i hope everyone liked this chapter!! a little disclaimer i don't own the song Be My Baby i just like the idea of Joker singing it to Scarecrow. so thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	15. Chapter 15

**a/N - WoW fifteen fucking chapters! i don't care if you care about it or not but i'm pretty happy with that. i honestly don't know how long i'm gonna keep this going. i already know how it's gonna end though, because if we learned anything from Mort Rainey it's that the end is the most important part of the story.**

**disclaimer : nothing!! that's what i own.**

* * *

"Master Wayne isn't here at the moment," Alfred said as Joker pushed past him letting himself into the apartment pulling Scarecrow behind him.

Joker began searching rooms, he had let go of Scarecrow who was actually walking around willingly by himself. Alfred was in the living room with the phone in his hand considering whether or not to call Master Wayne. He really didn't feel like he was in any danger, if they were going to harm him they would have done so already. He could hear noises coming from Master Wayne's bedroom so he put the phone back on the hook and walked back the hall.

"Don't do that." Scarecrow said.

Joker ignored Scarecrow and threw his heels at his head.

Alfred stood in the room's doorway and watched as Joker jumped on Master Wayne's bed. Alfred walked over to the bed and stood beside Scarecrow who was beginning to look like he could vomit.

"Umm, Joker." Alfred said.

Joker who had his back to Alfred whipped around to face him, he jumped off the bed grabbing hold of Alfred.

"How do know my language?" Joker said bringing his face close to Alfred's.

"What?" Both Alfred and Scarecrow said.

Joker gave Alfred a playful shove and got back on the bed.

"So then Joker what business do you have with Master Wayne?"

"Well you see Nigel, it is Nigel right?"

"Alfred, sir"

"No it's Nigel," Joker said, "Anyway we have something very important to give to Bruce."

"And what would that be?"

"ME!!" Joker cried ripping open his top revealing a red lace bra.

Alfred passed out at the unexpected site that was the Joker.

Joker cackled while he closed his shirt, looking around the room for something to hold it together with. While Scarecrow was having a panic attack about the unconscious butler on the floor. Joker was walking around the room getting very frustrated.

"Where the HELL does he keep his damn CLOTHES!?!"

Scarecrow ignored Joker's question and began fanning Alfred with his hat. Joker gave up on his quest and decided to just let the shirt hang open. Scarecrow had given up on the hat and was now slapping Alfred's face.

"Stop it," Joker said walking over to the odd display, "This is how you do it," Joker grabbed a fishbowl of the side table and dumped it's contents onto Alfred's face.

Alfred began sputtering and rolling on the floor, making a pathetic attempt to stand.

"Run," Joker said smacking Alfred once before taking off.

Joker made it out into the living room before Scarecrow, who obviously had no experience running in heels. Joker had called the elevator and was waiting patiently for it, that lasted for about one second. Then he started stamping his heels on the wood floor and whining about.

Scarecrow walked out from Bruce's bedroom and stood beside Joker, sort of, he had to keep moving cause now Joker was swinging his arms around out of boredom. In less than a minute the elevator had arrived. Joker's various movements stopped.

"Oh. My. God." Joker said, "Finally."

Scarecrow was already standing in the elevator holding the door, waiting for Joker.

"Would you come on," Scarecrow said.

"Alright alright."

Joker walked towards the elevator but froze just as he was almost there, he turned to a vase that was sitting on a table beside the elevator and looking so pretty. He stared at that vase for five minutes before he knocked it over and stepped into the elevator.

As the elevator went down the tenants of Gotham Tower could faintly hear Joker.

"Wee Wee," Joker cheered as the elevator lowered.

* * *

**AN - another chapter. if you can't tell Jonathan is starting to act more like Scarecrow or at least i'm trying to have that. anyway as always i hope you liked this chapter. i liked writing it. if you couldn't tell Scarecrow was supposed to be dressed as Cillian Murphy's character from Breakfast on Pluto, an awesome movie. but ok thanks!!**

**im-batman**


	16. Chapter 16

**an - READ IT. READ IT. **

**disclaimer - i own nothing!!**

* * *

Scarecrow and Joker walked down the dimly lit Narrows streets. Joker was skipping happily ahead of Scarecrow, while Scarecrow could feel blisters forming from the damn boots Joker made him wear. It was getting very late, Joker had been running all over Gotham, and he was really running. He was constantly yelling at Scarecrow to move his ass. Scarecrow almost broke his ankle trying to catch up with him.

Scarecrow ignored the intense pain that was coming from his feet for a moment to think about their situation. Scarecrow froze and a horrible feeling coated him, he felt like they were being followed. Scarecrow turned slightly just in time to see a giant bat on the top of a building. Scarecrow sucked in his breath.

Scarecrow quickly walked up to Joker letting his breath out while he walked.

"Joker," Scarecrow whispered grabbing a hold of Joker to get as close as possible.

Joker was sucking on a big purple, "Lolli-pop lolli-pop ohh lolli lollilolli lolli-pop-p," Joker sang emphasizing the 'p' on the last pop.

"Joker, listen to me," Scarecrow whispered taking Joker's lollipop and throwing into the street.

Joker detached himself from Scarecrow and stared at Scarecrow like he had just thrown a box of kittens into the street then driven over them, Joker might not mind that though.

"You know you're a dickhead," Joker said pointing at Scarecrow," You're just a dickhead, and you'll always be a dickhead."

Joker looked down at his lollipop once more before continuing down the street. Scarecrow stood in his own little 'what the fuck' moment for a couple seconds before he got focused again.

"Joker, Joker," Scarecrow said grabbing at him again, "We're being followed," He whispered.

"Really," Joker said, "By who?" Joker turned around to examine the area.

"DOn"t,"Scarecrow exclaimed spinning the Joker back around to face him.

Their two noses squished together, "It's The Batman," Scarecrow said slowly releasing Joker.

"Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Right," Scarecrow said linking arms with Joker and starting to walk again, "So what are we going to do?"

"What do ya mean?"

Scarecrow pointed at their house that was only two doors down and getting closer.

"Oh that," Joker said, "We'll just leeeave."

"It's just that easy?"

"Yep," Joker said, "I don't even know how many different places I've stayed at in the last six months."

"Ok then," Scarecrow said cautiously looking back at the building he'd seen Batman on, "So are we going to go to a hotel?"

"You think I'm a prostitute but I'm not," Joker exclaimed running for the house.

* * *

"Alright," Joker said throwing a grocery bag at Scarecrow, "Pack what you need."

Scarecrow hurried to his room and changed into his suit, then he looked around and realized that he didn't have anything. He put his glasses on and stared at his mask for an eternity then finally put it in the bag.

Scarecrow left his room and went to find Joker. He walked right into Joker's room without knocking, which could have cost him his life. When he opened the door a bullet flew past his right ear. Scarecrow froze, when Joker saw who it was he put the gun away.

"Why did you do that?" Scarecrow asked not moving for the doorway yet.

"Just a precaution," Joker said as he threw clothes into bags, "In case you were someone else."

Joker carefully removed a shoebox from the top of his wardrobe. Scarecrow walked over to see what this was because obviously shoes weren't in that shoebox.

"What is this?" Scarecrow asked reaching for the box.

Joker slapped his hand away, "You have to be a good Scarecrow if you want your toy."

Joker walked up to Scarecrow and took off his glasses and placed them in the pocket of his jacket. Then he grabbed his bag and removed the mask and put it on his face, Scarecrow surprisingly didn't put up a fight.

"Good boy," Joker said walking back over to the box, "Come on," He waved Scarecrow over.

Then Joker opened the box.

* * *

**an "You know you're a dickhead, you're just a dickhead, and you'll always be a dickhead." i just have to say that line came from _shallots (check out her work) _she's my sister and she said that to me today. i know i shouldn't end stuff like that but it's my story and i can so ha and i know what's in the box. i'm just fucking with you, i just make this all up as a go along. but i hope you liked it thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	17. Chapter 17

**an// alright i'm gonna be honest. when i ended the last chapter i really had absolutely no fucking idea what was gonna happen. and i really still don't it's all just coming out, i tried to think and plan it out but that only works sometimes. so here ya go i don't know how it's gonna end up :S i don't know.**

**disclaimer - yeah you know. nothing**

* * *

Joker opened the box up the slightest bit then slammed it shut, grabbed his things and ran downstairs. Scarecrow ripped off his mask and looked all around the room before running down the stairs after Joker. Joker was standing in the kitchen staring lovingly into the box, but when he saw Scarecrow he put the lid back on.

The two were on opposite sides of the room.

"Mask," Joker said.

"Oh," Scarecrow said putting the mask back on, he was becoming more and more interested about what was in that box.

"Now come closer," Joker said.

Scarecrow walked right up to Joker.

"To close. Back up."

Scarecrow took four steps back.

"No. To far. Come closer."

Scarecrow took three steps forward.

"NO!!" Joker held his hand up.

Scarecrow took one step back.

"There, yes perfect!!"

"Alright now," Joker said, "Reeeady?"

Joker took the lid off and threw it at Scarecrow, hitting him in the head.

Scarecrow walked closer to see into the box while Joker went on talking mostly to himself cause when Scarecrow saw what Joker had he blocked everything else out.

"Sooooo how much do you love me right now??"

Scarecrow stared down at the very thing he had used to strike fear into the city of Gotham.

"What did you do?" Scarecrow asked even though it was painfully obvious.

"Weeeell," Joker said swaying back and worth, "While I was searching for your cell I stumbled upon the room where they keep all the shit that they confiscate from the inmates." "And TADA!!"

Scarecrow picked up one of the containers that held the fear gas, then he put it back down and then he picked it up again. This continued while Joker rambled on.

"But you know," Joker said, by now Scarecrow wasn't even listening, "While I was taking this out of a filing cabinet I occurred to me, why the fuck do they keep this stuff?" "I mean are they gonna give it back to you when you leave?" "What's the point?"

Joker saw how Scarecrow was annoyingly picking and not picking up the gas so he grabbed Scarecrow's bag and dumped the containers of gas in. Joker grabbed some stuff from the fridge and put whatever it was into his bag.

Joker straightened up from the fridge and turned to Scarecrow who had no expression cause he had a mask on.

"Let's go," Joker said.

* * *

If Joker was trying to be discreet he wasn't doing a very good job at it. They'd spent the last two hours driving all around Gotham, now they were going down Main Street with all the windows down and rap music blasting. Scarecrow figured Joker didn't even know where they were going.

They were coming up on a hobo sleeping on a bench when Joker laid on the horn. Scarecrow looked back just in time to see the startled guy fall off the bench. Scarecrow shouldn't have been surprised, actually he should have been more surprised that Joker didn't mount the curb and run the guy over.

They had almost made a complete circle, Scarecrow could tell that they were slowly getting back into The Narrows.

"YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?" Joker yelled over the loud music.

To Scarecrow it just looked like Joker was moving his lips but nothing was coming out, "WHAT?"

Joker made his hand in the shape of a cup and motioned drinking from it. Scarecrow nodded 'yes'.

Joker completely let go of the wheel and started digging at something behind Scarecrow's seat. Luckily they were in The Narrows so anything they might run into would be already be trashed anyway. Joker came into a full upright position again and threw a Capri Sun into Scarecrow's lap. Scarecrow had expected a beer can to be throw at his head or something of that nature.

Joker ran into a drunk that was crossing the road while he was punching the straw threw the pouch.

"Oh, oh shit," Joker sucked from his straw, he stepped on the gas and went lunging forward.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry I thought I was in REVERSE!!" Joker yelled yanking on the gear shift and bolting backwards.

He shifted again and then they went flying forwards, when they went past the guy they felt a light bump.

"Ooohh," Joker said.

"Damnit," Scarecrow said looking back.

* * *

They were driving along, Scarecrow had convinced Joker to turn the music down to a volume that normal humans use. Joker was on his second Capri Sun, Scarecrow put the straw in for him the second time. Scarecrow sucked on his straw, you could hear that there was nothing left of his drink, so Scarecrow threw the now empty pouch out the window.

"NOOO," Joker yelled slamming on the brakes.

Joker jumped out of the car and walked back to where Scarecrow had throw the pouch, he picked it up and brought it back with him to the car.

"Respect the FUCKING POUCH," Joker said waving the pouch around in Scarecrow's face.

Joker got very close to Scarecrow so his lips were touching Scarecrow's ear. Then he whispered.

"Respect it."

* * *

**an__ so there it is. i hope you liked it, thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	18. Chapter 18

**say yea for random shit and lack of sleep!!!**

**disclaimer - nope. nope. nope.**

* * *

Joker and Scarecrow hadn't spoken since the Capri Sun incident. But about every five minutes Joker would turn and look at Scarecrow. He was starting to get pretty impatient and pissy, the Scarecrow part of him was rising up.

"Where the fuck are we going," Scarecrow said lowly not even turning to look at Joker.

Joker slammed on his brakes which almost made Scarecrow fearful for a second, that Joker was pissed and going to kill him now.

"We are heerrree," Joker sang.

Scarecrow looked up and saw that they were in the parking lot of some shithole of a hotel. Scarecrow sat in the car while Joker went to check in, he assumed. Then something occurred to him he grabbed his bag with the fear gas in it and began hooking it up through his jacket and making sure the protective guard was still on the inside of his mask. When he was done he was sitting there looking normal as ever when Joker returned.

Joker popped up on Scarecrow's side of the car and beat on the window till he came out. He obviously was no longer mad. They walked down the sidewalk past the doors that led to the other rooms, Joker hit each door as they would past them. They reached their room, Joker unlocked the door and swung it open. The two stood in the doorway.

"This room smells like sweat, anger, and shame," Scarecrow said.

"I know," Joker said breathing in deeply, " I love that smell."

Joker walked into the room and plopped himself down onto the bed. Scarecrow went grumbling past him and into the bathroom. Scarecrow was adjusting the gas and putting the guard up. He walked out of the bathroom to find Joker jumping on the bed. He let his legs come out from under him and land flat on his ass when he saw Scarecrow.

Scarecrow walked up to Joker and stuck his arm out spraying the gas at him. A cloud of fear gas formed around Joker's head, but he didn't seem to be reacting. Scarecrow backed away, nervous that Joker would be angry that he sprayed him.

Joker breathed in the gas, "Smells like fun," he said.

It amazed Scarecrow that Joker had absolutely no reaction the the toxin. Joker swatted away the remaining gas that hung in the air. Since Joker didn't seem angry Scarecrow sat beside Joker at the edge of the bed.

"Do you know the story of Little Miss Muffet?" Joker asked.

The gas had cleared so Scarecrow removed his mask. "What?"

"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey, along came a spider, who sat down beside her and scared the shit out of her."

Joker fell back on the bed because he was laughing so hard.

Scarecrow put his mask back on so Joker wouldn't see him rolling his eyes.

"I'm tired," Scarecrow said standing up to get into the bed. He removed his jacket and got under the covers, even though it disgusted him.

Joker rolled off the bed, then stood to his feet and started ripping his clothes from his body. He was down to his underpants, ready to pull them down.

"At least keep those on," Scarecrow asked, "Please."

"Fiiiinnne," Joker said pulling his waistband out and snapping it back.

Joker climbed into bed with Scarecrow. It was a queen size bed, Scarecrow was wondering if Joker picked out a room with a single bed or not. Scarecrow turned and kept his back to Joker and tried his best to fall asleep.

Joker was a horrible sleep partner. He was constantly flipping from his stomach to his back and from one side to another. But somehow Scarecrow eventually managed to fall asleep. It didn't last long though, soon Scarecrow was woken by the sounds of Joker.

"Uh uh uh uh UH UH," Joker said getting louder with every 'uh', "Boom goes the dynamite."

"Oh God," Scarecrow said turning on the lights and sitting up in bed.

Scarecrow turned to face Joker who was smoking. Scarecrow got out of bed and went to the bathroom. When he came back out he put his jacket back on and grabbed his mask.

"I'm not all that tired anymore," Scarecrow said putting his mask on.

"Me either," Joker said jumping out of bed and putting his clothes on.

"So you wanna get something to eat or something," Joker asked putting his cigarette out.

"I don't know I'm not rea-," Joker stopped Scarecrow's words.

"Can we go somewhere that has pictures of the food on the menus?" Joker begged

"Umm," Scarecrow said.

"Please," Joker got down on his knees, he was still unclothed from the waste down.

"CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE THAT HAS PICTURES OF THE FOOD ON THE MENUS?!?!"

* * *

**an, so there it is. i'm pretty happy with this one. yes i know that's not how the Little Miss Muffet rhyme goes but i think that's how it would go if Joker told it. but i hope you all liked it and thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	19. Chapter 19

**well here i come, bringing you another chapter. haha i wrote 'come'**

**disclaimer - still nothing. but i'll let you know if i ever own something.**

* * *

Sadly for Joker they didn't go to the kind of restaurant he wanted. In fact they didn't go to a restaurant at all, they went to a bar, despite Scarecrow's continuous protesting. They were there for hours, until Joker was so out of his mind with drunkenness he was shooting the bottles of booze that were on display behind the bar.

After he destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of alcohol the bartender kicked them out. Since Scarecrow could still see straight he figured he should drive.

"Give me the keys," Scarecrow said once they reached the car.

"Whhhhyy??"

"Cause you're drunk."

"You're seexxy," Joker said before collapsing in the parking lot.

Scarecrow stared down at a passed out Joker and considered leaving him there for a while but then decided against it. He fished through the Joker's pockets till he found the keys then he pocketed them himself. Then he stared at Joker trying to figure how he was going to get him into the car.

He opened the car door first, then he grabbed under Joker's arms and half stood him up, half dragged him to the car. He reached the door but leaned him against the side of the car to give himself a break. He rolled Joker off the side off the car and onto the seat, Joker's top half was safely in the car but his legs were dangling outside. Scarecrow walked around behind Joker grabbed his feet and pushed but that didn't work, there was to much space between where he was pushing and what he wanted to move.

So as much as Scarecrow hated it, it had to be done if he wanted to get out of here. He spread Joker's legs a bit so he could walk between them, then he grabbed Joker's rear end and pushed. It worked perfectly, the rest of Joker slid into the car and Scarecrow slammed the door shut. Scarecrow wiped his hands off on his pants and joined the Joker in the car. At least hopefully Joker wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow.

* * *

Once they got back to the hotel Scarecrow decided that he wasn't even going to attempt to get Joker out of the car so he went to the room to sleep, but first he locked Joker into the car, though he didn't know why anyone would want to steal the Joker. He got to the room and stripped the bed of everything, he figured that was cleaner than what Joker had left and God knows what was already there from the previous occupants.

He kept his mask on so his face wouldn't have to be directly on the mattress. He felt so much safer knowing that Joker was securely locked in a vehicle, and out of the hotel room. Since they only had the one key and Scarecrow needed it to get into the room and it was sleeping beside him on the nightstand. Joker would probably be pissed when he woke up but right now Scarecrow didn't care.

Scarecrow was awoken the next morning to the sounds of Joker's gun. He sat up, removed his mask and saw that the door would open a little then go shut again, open a little more and then go shut. Another gunshot, that's when he realized that Joker was shooting the lock and kicking the door to open it up. Why he didn't just knock was unknown to Scarecrow.

Finally Joker kicked the door in, Scarecrow would have walked over to open it for him if he wasn't afraid of getting shot. Joker walked in giant fast paste steps to the bathroom, only stopping to look at Scarecrow and say,

"Sup."

* * *

**aN_ ahhhh!!! FucK this short shitty filler chapter, fuck it with something hard and sand-papery. but whatever maybe you liked it, if you did thanks. and thanks for reading!!**

**im-batman**


	20. Chapter 20

**an( yepp. yepp. ok. chapter**

**disclaimer - nope :(**

* * *

Joker declared that they needed to get a new room, he said he felt unsafe now that the door didn't lock anymore. Scarecrow didn't understand why but Joker refused to pay for a new room, he said that they were going to commandeer the room next door.

It was dusk when Joker made Scarecrow knock on their neighbor's door. Scarecrow put the guard up on his mask and knocked on the door. A young girl opened it up, she was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and looked a bit hung over, even though Scarecrow didn't even think she looked old enough to drink.

Scarecrow's arm went out towards the girl spraying the toxin directly into her face before she could even register what had happened. She took in several giant panicked breaths, getting plenty of the gas into her system. She fell back against the door when she did the Joker came strolling in. She screamed at the sight of the Joker, he quickly covered her mouth and slammed the door shut.

Scarecrow looked around the room, _Damn it, _he thought, _One bed. _

"You know," Joker said walking over to Scarecrow, since he had secured the girl's mouth with tape, "Maybe we could use her?"

Of course Scarecrow knew what Joker meant by this, Scarecrow sighed in response and walked over to the girl. Joker stood were he was to contemplate weather or not to keep the girl.

"I don't know," Joker said waving his gun around, "The more I look at her I think she kinda looks like Miley Cyrus."

Scarecrow was only half listening.

"Here shine that light on her so I can get a better look," Joker said getting down at eye level with the girl, who was visibly shaking with fear.

Scarecrow flicked on the light and shone it down on the girl.

"Holy shit," Joker said when the light hit the girl, "She does look like Miley Cyrus."

Joker immediately put a bullet between the eyes of that girl.

Joker got close to the girl's face touching noses with her, "You can't hurt people anymore," He said talking more to the real Miley than the lifeless body in front of him.

* * *

It was still early so there was no movement around the hotel building, not that anyone would have probably cared anyway. Joker and Scarecrow dragged the girl's body out behind the rooms by the dumpsters. Joker said that the swap was a great success.

Scarecrow stripped this bed the same as he had done in their room, he didn't even want to think about what could have possibly been on that bedding. He stuffed the bedding into one of the closets and laid down on the bed. He was almost asleep when Joker, who had been in the bathroom, came bursting into the room. Joker jumped onto the bed, so hard that Scarecrow flew up into the air, obviously Joker didn't get hangovers.

Once Scarecrow landed he tried to fake that he was sleeping but Joker wasn't buying it.

"I'm hungry," Joker said bouncing up and down on the bed, "Let's go get pancakes."

Scarecrow laid still.

"Pancakes, pancakes, paaaancaaaakes," Joker sang bouncing harder bringing Scarecrow further up off the bed.

"PANCAKES!!" Joker yelled with one final jump, that jump was enough to make Scarecrow fall off the bed.

Joker jumped off the bed and onto Scarecrow. Scarecrow was still attempting to fake sleep. When Scarecrow wouldn't respond to Joker, Joker ripped his mask of and began smacking him repeatedly in the face.

"Are you okay?" **Smack **"Scaaarecrow." **Smack, Smack **"I want pancakes." **Smack**

After a few more smacks Scarecrow decided to get up, Joker's knee was in a very not nice place. When he sat up Joker fell backwards, Scarecrow put his mask back on and stood up. Joker stood up and hugged Scarecrow then once he released him he punched Scarecrow in the gut. Scarecrow doubled over onto the floor.

Joker nudged him with his foot, "Come on get up."

Joker pulled Scarecrow up and looked him straight in the eye.

"Pancakes?"

* * *

**an____ UUHHH!! sorry if it got kinda shitty near the end. i don't know about you but now i really want some fucking pancakes. if it wasn't made clear just by the chapter, i dislike Miley Cyrus very much. anyway thanks!!**

**im-batman**


	21. Chapter 21

**

* * *

**

an. you might wanna get some pancakes then come back and read this chapter. just saying.

**disclaimer - i do not own. i wish i owned some pancakes though.**

* * *

Joker and Scarecrow were sitting in the booth of a pancake house, Joker was sporting a big toothy smile while waiting for his food to come. Scarecrow wasn't that hungry so he just ordered coffee, Joker was greatly offended by that, and held a gun to Scarecrow's head until he order some pancakes.

Their waitress came out and sat a plate containing a single pancake on it for Scarecrow, then she went back to the kitchen to get Joker's food. Joker clapped his hands when he saw his order being brought out. Of course Joker had to order the biggest most obnoxious thing on the menu. There were twelve pancakes, four plain, four blueberry, and four chocolate chip, and between each pancake was a layer of whipped cream. This monster of a breakfast was called "The Wayne Tower".

Joker removed the plastic 'W' on the top of the tower and let a rain of strawberry syrup fall over the cakes. By the time he'd finished drowning his food Scarecrow was already done eating. Joker looked at his tower, now drenched in syrup.

"It looks like blood," Joker said referring to the syrup dripping from the cakes.

"Can you just eat it," Scarecrow said sipping his coffee.

Joker removed his gloves, got a fork and started out at the top of the tower. By the time he was through the second pancake he had abandoned the fork and was just going at it with his hands. Scarecrow put his mask back on so Joker wouldn't be able to see his disapproving looks of disgust.

Joker was halfway though the tower, mouthful of pancakes and cream when someone put a dime in the crappy juke box that sat in the corner. That juke box looked like the first one ever made, Scarecrow was amazed when music came out of it, a song that sounded terribly annoying to Scarecrow, so Joker was sure to enjoy, began. Scarecrow wanted to force a roll of dimes down the person's throat who'd choosen this song.

"A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird"

Joker spit the food out of his mouth and onto Scarecrow, at least he was wearing a mask, "Oh my God this is Surfin' Bird I fucking love this song," Joker got out of his seat and started singing.

"B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word"

"A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word"

Joker slide into Scarecrow's seat, "A-well-a don't you know about the bird?"

"Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!!!" Joker yelled into Scarecrow's face.

"A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word"

Joker got out of the booth, Scarecrow slide out and walked towards the down, just as he expected Joker followed him. Scarecrow had to get him out of there he was making a scene. But even once they were in the car Joker continued to sing.

"Surfin' bird"

"Bbbblelfellelebelelbelbelbelxxx......aaah!!"

Joker had stopped singing so Scarecrow looked over and he was laying over the steering wheel.

"Joker," Scarecrow nudged Joker not wanting to push him to much that he went running of the road.

Scarecrow looked straight ahead not knowing what to do.

"Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-"

"Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow," Joker started.

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom"

"Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom"

"Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow"

"Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow"

"Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow"

Scarecrow was trying to ignore Joker and clean the pancake off of his mask.

Joker started poking Scarecrow, "Well don't you know about the bird?"

Then he screamed at the top of his lungs, "EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!"

"A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word."

* * *

Joker had finished his song and they had been sitting in silence for ten minutes, Scarecrow was enjoying it very much. Then Joker had to talk.

"Hey Scarecrow."

Scarecrow didn't answer him.

"Scarecrow."

No answer.

"Scaaaarecrooow."

Still nothing.

Joker held a gun to Scarecrow's head, "Hey Scarecrow," Joker cocked the gun.

"What?" Scarecrow finally answered not because he cared if he died but because he really didn't want the reason he died to be because of something this stupid.

"Have you heard?"

* * *

**an_EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!! That is the greatest song ever, and now it's going to be stuck in your heads forever. thanks for reading i hope you enjoyed it.**


	22. Chapter 22

**an........so here it is i'm thinking about rapping this story up soon, maybe, i don't know.**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

Joker drove along Scarecrow could hear him humming The Bird is the Word as he rocked from side to side. They had been driving for hours, Scarecrow wasn't going to bother asking Joker where they were going, as long as Joker was leaving him alone they could drive across the country for all he cared.

Scarecrow noticed that they were swerving a bit, that was to be expected when driving with the Joker, so he turned to look at Joker and was staring down the barrel of a gun. He tensed up for a bit but then relaxed some when he realized it was only a paintball gun, which was still dangerous in the Joker's hands.

"What are you doing?" Scarecrow asked looking from Joker to the road then to Joker again.

"We're gonna have some fun," Joker said moving the gun from Scarecrow's face to his foot and firing. A nice pink splat hit Scarecrow's shoe while Scarecrow yelled out in pain.

"Ahhhh," Scarecrow exclaimed grabbing at his foot in an attempt to stop the pain.

"Hehehe hahaha hohohoho lalala," Joker laughed setting the gun to rest across his lap.

"Why would you do that?"

"I'm practicing my aim," Joker said holding up his gloved finger as if it were a gun and pointing at Scarecrow's feet.

* * *

In twenty minutes they sitting in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. Joker was refilling his gun with the balls of paint. He had used the majority of his ammo on pedestrians, passing cars, Scarecrow, a child or two.

The two got out of the car and ever so casually walked over to the side of the building where there was a ladder for them to climb. Scarecrow almost fell from the ladder halfway up but lucky for him Joker was there to drag him the rest of the way up. The sides of the building were high enough that you could stand up on the roof and be pretty much hidden except for your head.

Scarecrow turned to Joker you was skipping around on the roof.

"Why are we up here?" Scarecrow asked, Joker of course had not told him what they were going to do.

Joker ran over to the edge, looking out at the parking lot. Joker pulled out his paintball gun and pointed at a man walking into the store, he took aim and **FIRED!! **A pink spot landed right in front of the man, startled of course the man jumped back and looked around to see who'd shot at him. Joker ducked down, not that he cared if the guy saw him, but if he got caught then he wouldn't be aloud to play anymore.

Joker shot at anybody and everybody sometimes hitting the ground around them sometimes he would actually hit the person. What the Joker found funny was that the people were to fucking stupid to look up after they were hit. Scarecrow just leaned against the side of the building waiting for Joker to run out of balls or just lose interest.

Joker saw a father and son walking out pushing a plain blue bike, he thought it needed some more color he started shooting the bike up making it a nice polka dot bike. Scarecrow was close to sleep when he noticed that he hadn't heard Joker fire a shot in a while, opened his eyes to see Joker staring sadly down at his gun.

"I don't have any balls."

* * *

**an, yeah i know this chapter's kinda shitty but ATTENTION EVERYONE: starting well it would be today since today is October 1st i'm going to be starting a bunch of oneshots about Joker and holidays. you should be expecting the first one today (October 1) Vegetarians Day.**

**thanks for reading this chapter i hope you liked it.**

**im-batman**


	23. Chapter 23

**ATTENTION EVERYONE!!!!!!!!! So for those of you who have been reading the one- shots i've been posting i've decided to take them all down and re-post them as just 1 story of one-shots. make it easier on everyone. so just informing everyone who has faved, alerted, or reviewed in case you want to do that again. ALRIGHT, STORY TIME!!**

**disclaimer - i don't own!!**

* * *

Joker slid down the ladder landing on the ground, stumbling a bit and bumping into Scarecrow who was already grounded. Scarecrow ignored Joker and started walking towards the car. Joker realized he was standing alone so he began after Scarecrow, running like a man, getting his knees up.

Joker got to the car to find Scarecrow was sitting in the driver's seat. Joker opened up the door to the driver's side and pulled Scarecrow out, or attempted to, Scarecrow was secured in by his seat belt. Joker leaned over Scarecrow's lap to unbuckle the belt, then he shoved his hands under Scarecrow's ass and jerked him out as he moved off of his lap.

Scarecrow's body landed on the pavement. Scarecrow stared up at Joker who had nothing to say to him but, "I drive."

Joker stepped over the body on the blacktop and got into the car.

"Are you gonna get iiii-nnn," Joker whined as he pounded on the horn.

Scarecrow picked himself up and made his way around the front of the car. Joker made sure to beep the horn as soon as Scarecrow was directly in front of the car.

* * *

"So are we going back to the hotel," Scarecrow asked as Joker sped down the road.

"Noooo I don't wanna go back there," Joker moaned rocking back and forth, taking the wheel with him.

Scarecrow's eyes rolled under his mask.

"Ooooo look at that," Joker said pointing his finger in Scarecrow's face.

Scarecrow looked to where Joker's finger was directing him to and what he saw was children. One of Gotham's parks if you could call it that, it was basically an open area that the children of Gotham ran around in. There wasn't anything that you would expect to see in a park, like swings, a slide, or a merry - go - round. It was one of the many things that had been donated by Bruce Wayne.

Joker parked the car, half of it ending up on the sidewalk.

Joker hopped out of the car, smacking Scarecrow in the head first letting him know he was supposed to get out as well. Joker skipped around the open field like area while Scarecrow leaned up against the car. Joker ran back to Scarecrow grabbing hold of him.

"You see that kid over there?" Joker asked jerking his head in the direction he wanted Scarecrow to look in.

Scarecrow looked past Joker's head to see a kid of about two years maybe younger stumbling around unsupervised. It seemed very unsafe to Scarecrow and that's probably why Joker had something to say something about it.

"Yeah," Scarecrow finally answered.

"Let's steal it," Joker said in a tone that sounded very odd to Scarecrow.

"What!?!" Scarecrow exclaimed trying his hardest to free himself of Joker's grasp.

"Let's steal that baby," Joker said tightening his grip on Scarecrow.

* * *

**oh no are they gonna steal the baby!?!? haha. so this came from the fact that my 3 year old cousin has it in her head that she is going to steal herself a baby, she wanted to steal one that she saw in a restaurant but my grandma told her she couldn't. baby dolls aren't good enough for her. so sorry that this is short but thanks for reading!! I'll be posting the story of one - shots soon i don't have a title yet.**

**im-batman**


	24. Chapter 24

_let's steal that baby!!_

_disclaimer - i don't own_

* * *

"No," Scarecrow said pushing Joker away and hopping back in the car.

Joker stuck his tongue out at Scarecrow and turned to walk towards the baby.

Joker walked up to the baby and picked it up, no one made any attempt to stop him, so he tucked the baby in his jacket, being very inconspicuous.

Scarecrow saw Joker coming towards the car with a large bulge in his jacket and he started hyperventilating.

Joker ripped open Scarecrow's door and placed the baby on his lap, then ran around the back of the car to his side. Scarecrow stared down at the baby, who was surprisingly unfazed by the masked man staring back at him.

Joker jumped into his seat and sped off.

* * *

"What should we name it?" Joker asked after a few minutes on the road.

Scarecrow's mouth was hanging open in shock, Joker couldn't see it though because of the mask.

"We can't name it anything," Scarecrow said, "It already has a name."

Joker completely ignored Scarecrow's words.

"Joker Jr." He said wiggling his fingers about, "No, no better J.J it's shorter."

Scarecrow rolled his eyes, "Well I don't want to hold it."

"J.J," Joker corrected.

"Ok I don't want to hold J.J," Scarecrow said.

"Fine," Joker said slamming on the brakes and sliding into the back seat.

Joker reached up and grabbed J.J from Scarecrow, "You drive."

Scarecrow let out a sigh and moved over to the driver's seat, while Joker made faces at J.J. The baby was still silent even as the clown stuck his tongue out at him.

"So where am I even going?" Scarecrow asked.

"Annnnyywhhherrre," Joker sang.

"_How bout over a cliff," _Scarecrow thought to himself.

* * *

Scarecrow had been driving around aimlessly for hours now, not knowing where to go. Then he turned to his right to make sure it was safe to turn and he saw J.J sitting beside him.

"What the-," Scarecrow turn to look for Joker and wasn't exactly surprised by what he saw, "Joker!!"

Joker was stretched out on the seat of the car, with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Whaaaat?" Joker whined.

"Why is he up here?"

"Well do you want him back here when I'm smoking?" Joker asked sitting up on the seat.

"Joker!" Scarecrow waved his hand through the smoke that had made it's way up to Scarecrow, "The smoke's filled the whole car."

"Oh," Joker said, "Well I guess you can put him back with me then."

"I can't do that Joker cause you see I'm driving the car, so since you're not doing anything why don't you move the kid," Scarecrow said talking very quickly.

Joker reached up and grabbed J.J from the passenger's seat, "He has a name."

"Well I didn't even want J.J," Scarecrow said really emphasizing "J.J".

Joker gasped holding J.J to him, "How can you say that!!"

* * *

_introducing J.J!!! i don't know how long i'll keep him around but yeah Joker has a baby now._

_ewww, some shitty stuff i have to get my wisdom teeth removed on Wednesday, FAIL. i really don't care about the getting them out part it's the aftermath of it that i don't want._

_so as always thanks for reading i hope you liked it!!!!!_

_im-batman_


	25. Chapter 25

**eehhhh i want to eat solid food, i really do. fuck. damn wisdom teeth. Let's see what Joker is doing to J.J hehe**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

Joker made Scarecrow stop at the grocery store for some "necessary baby items" before going back to the hotel. Joker didn't trust Scarecrow to do the shopping and Scarecrow wasn't about to watch J.J while Joker ran into the store, so the only thing to do was Joker take J.J in the store with him.

Scarecrow reclined his seat and relaxed, the way he figured it Joker wasn't going to make it out of the grocery store, not as long as long as he had that kid. Scarecrow was going to give him twenty minutes then he was going to assume the worst and leave without him. He smiled at the thought of that.

Joker placed J.J in the seat designed for children at the front of the shopping cart. Then Joker took off running through the store pushing the cart, getting everything that he felt was essential when caring for a baby.

Even though he had a baby and was in the store for "baby items" The Joker ran right past the baby aisle. As he ran toward the back of the store he could tell that one of the wheels was off kilter, and that pissed him off. The only way he could see to fix that was to run faster, so he sped up but when the wheel still made and annoying clicking sound Joker just couldn't stand it.

"FUUUUUUCCC--KK," Joker yelled for the whole store to hear.

The people in the bakery froze and stared at The Joker, but didn't dare say anything to him. Joker stared back at them until he was bored with that and he turned his nose up and continued on through the store.

* * *

Scarecrow was enjoying the silence of the car, he looked at his watch every five seconds to see when the twenty minutes would be up.

Joker had stepped away from J.J, leaving him unattended. He was staring intently at a package of bacon when out of the corner of his eye he saw someone creeping up to his cart. The creeper was a citizen of Gotham thinking he was going to be a hero by protecting this baby from The Joker.

Joker stomped over to the cart and threw the pack of bacon into it. The guy jumped at the site of The Joker.

Joker gasped, "How dare you," He said pointing to the man's hands that were around J.J's waist.

Joker reached out and pulled J.J out of the cart and out of the man's grasp.

"Stealing a baby," Joker said, "Who would do such a thing."

The man stood in shock as Joker pushed the cart off muttering about the nerve of some people.

Scarecrow looked at his watch for probably the eighty-third time and was bubbling with excitement because Joker only had nine minutes left and he still wasn't back yet.

Joker began throwing his items onto the conveyor belt, in no particular order like some annoying people.

"Oooh," The cashier squealed in an annoyingly shrill voice.

Joker looked at the girl who didn't even look old enough to legally work. She had her fake blond hair pulled back in a pony tail and a face full of make-up. Joker pushed the cart up further until he reached the register.

"He's soooo-o cute," The girl said reaching out to squeeze J.J's cheek.

Joker made a face and pulled his wallet out.

"What's his name?" The girl asked as she started checking Joker out.

"Ehhh," Joker started, "I'm not gonna answer that."

The girl stared at Joker confused.

"Cause what use is it to you to know what his name is," Joker hugged J.J to him, "Also it's extremely annoying when people act interested in children."

Joker leaned in, getting very close to the girl, "Jenna," He said reading her name tag.

Joker threw his money at her, grabbed his bags and left.

* * *

Scarecrow looked at his watch and started counting down 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - . Right when it came down to 1 Scarecrow started up the engine and was ready to pull out but then.

Joker ripped open the back door, threw the bags in and placed J.J on one of the seats. Then Joker jumped in and slammed the door behind him.

"Wow Scarecrow," Joker said, "The car's already started, how did you know we were coming?"

* * *

**good thing about the wisdom teeth, it is making me CRAZY with the inspiration. cause i've just been laying around in bed so much letting my mind wander. yes thanks for reading and i hope you liked it!!!!!**

**im-batman**


	26. Chapter 26

**thank you all SO fucking much!!! 99 reviews i'm so excited. thanks again!!**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

Scarecrow pulled up at the hotel and Joker jumped out carrying a sleeping J.J into their room.

"Bags Scarecrooow," He called as he walked to the room.

"You're not going to help," Scarecrow said slamming his door shut.

Joker gasped, "I'm with child," He placed his gloved hand on J.J's head.

Scarecrow rolled his eyes under his mask and opened up the back door to retrieve the bags.

Scarecrow managed to carry all the bags at once, Joker apparently bagged his own items because there were six bags but there was only one or two things in each of the bags.

Scarecrow got to the doorway and could hear Joker giving J.J a tour of the room. Joker must have woken the baby up.

"And that's the blood from the girl who lived here before us," Joker said pointing at the blood stain on the wall, "You wouldn't have liked her."

"Ummm, Joker?"

"I'm buuussy," Joker whined.

"Ok, would you like to explain your bagging order to me?" Scarecrow asked very interested to hear Joker's reasoning.

"I just like taking a lot of their bags," Joker stated.

Scarecrow set the bags down on the floor and noticed that one was unnaturally light, so he looked into it and saw that it was just filled with more plastic bags.

"That's not where they gooooo-oo," Joker sang pointing to the bags.

Scarecrow sighed, picking up the bags again and taking them to the little kitchen area. But he wasn't going to put the groceries in the cupboards. After he placed the bags on the counter he made his way to the bathroom.

Outside of the bathroom Joker was continuing his tour.

"And this is the bed," Joker said standing on the bed with J.J, "The mattress is shit though," He said jumping up and down on the bed.

Scarecrow was sitting on the floor of the bathroom thinking that maybe if beat his head off of the toilet enough times it might kill him. He could hear The Joker cackling and the sound of the mattress' springs.

It seemed like it was going to go on forever then Joker screamed and Scarecrow heard a thump. Scarecrow decided to see what had happened, so he stood up off the floor and left the bathroom.

He opened the door and found Joker laying on his back on the floor on the right side of the bed with J.J laying on his stomach.

"What happened?" Scarecrow questioned, standing over Joker.

"That," Joker said pointing to the ceiling.

"That demon fan tried to take my head OFF!!" Joker explained.

* * *

**maybe i'll just keep J.J around forever, he's perfect i haven't had to type any dialogue for him yet, lol. i'm sorry this chapter was kind short.**

**but thanks for reading, i'm so glad you guys like this, it almost amazes me to be honest. i appreciate everyone of you who reviews it means so much to me!!**

**im-batman**


	27. Chapter 27

**FUCK YEA!!! this story has hit 100 reviews. thanks so much to all of you. i've got the best reviewers ever!!**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

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Joker stood up from the floor holding J.J with one hand and rubbing his head with the other.

"Uhhh, I hope I don't have a dent in my head," Joker said as he walked into the kitchen, "Then my head will be all misshapen."

"I'm su-," Scarecrow started as he made his way over to the bed to sit down.

"Now I'll never be able to shave my head!!!" Joker whaled.

"What," Scarecrow said, "Why?"

"Oh my," Joker mumbled setting J.J on the counter beside the bags, "Because if I shave all my hair off then you will be able to see every imperfection and indent on my bald head." Joker explained rubbing his hands over his head while he spoke.

"Ummm," Scarecrow began.

"Would you like that Scarecrow?" Joker asked, "Would you like me to look like that girl, oh shit what is her name?"

Scarecrow hesitated, "Natalie Portman?"

"YES!!" Joker exclaimed, "That's her."

Scarecrow put his head in his hands while Joker went on about Natalie Portman's shaved head.

"That head just needed hair," Joker said.

"Well," Scarecrow said raising his head up, "I'm sure that won't happen to you," He said flatly.

"I'm sensing sarcasm Scarecrow," Joker said waggling his finger in Scarecrow's direction.

Scarecrow stayed silent and just let Joker talk.

"I'm gonna shave my head just so you have to look at IT!!" Joker yelled.

"Ok you do that."

"I'm gonna."

"Alright."

The two stared at each other until Joker started yelling.

"NO!!!" Joker yelled, "I'm gonna shave your head." "So then I can make fun of all the dents on your head."

"I don't have any dents," Scarecrow stated.

"Oh really?" Joker questioned.

With his mask on Scarecrow had almost no peripheral vision so he didn't see Joker walking towards him. Joker walked up beside Scarecrow and slammed his elbow into the side of Scarecrow's head.

"OW," Scarecrow said bringing his hand to the spot Joker hit.

"HA," Joker said in a nasally voice, enjoying Scarecrow's pain.

* * *

In their discussion about bald heads, dents and what not the two had completely forgotten about the child in the kitchen.

Scarecrow had stood to his feet and now the two seemed to be having a staring contest. Joker was blowing his breath in Scarecrow's eye holes in an attempt to make him blink.

Then they heard the sound of glass breaking coming from the kitchen.

"My J.J!!" Joker yelled as he ran for the kitchen.

* * *

**AHHHH this is so short i'm gonna puke!! but i had to get a chapter out, so i apologize.**

**Ok let's get some stuff straight, i like Natalie Portman i thought she was great in V for Vendetta. and it's like WoW that she shaved her head for a movie, but her head is a bit misshapen as Joker mentioned.**

**So thanks for reading i hope you liked it!!**

**im-batman**


	28. Chapter 28

**ahhhh, another day of me writing when i should be doing school, HAHA. So i've been thinking, should i end this soon? i don't know what do you all think?**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

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Joker ran towards the kitchen, running wasn't really necessary since the kitchen was only five feet from the bedroom area. Scarecrow made his way to the kitchen, walking, only having to take three steps. As apposed to Joker who ran all around the room before finally finishing his marathon and joined Scarecrow in the kitchen, after Scarecrow had already been waiting for ten minutes.

Joker was breathing heavy by the time he entered the kitchen.

Joker looked up at Scarecrow who was holding the top of a broken beer bottle.

"What is this?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker giggled, "You don't know what that is?" He questioned pointing at the broken glass in Scarecrow's hand.

"I know what is, that was a rhetorical question," Scarecrow explained.

"WELL THAT'S JUST STUPID!!!" Joker yelled.

"Ok do you know where J.J got this?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker stood in silence with his back to Scarecrow.

"Joker, answer me."

Scarecrow could see Joker was rummaging through his pockets looking for God knows what. Then Joker retrieved an item from one of his front pockets, a kazoo.

Joker turned and walked up to Scarecrow, getting very close to him and then he brought the kazoo up to his mouth.

Joker blew on the kazoo letting the sound fly into Scarecrow's face.

"Noooo," Joker sang.

"Why?"

"Cause that's more rhetorical shit," Joker said, "You know where it came from."

Joker's eyes went to the bags on the counter then back to Scarecrow's.

Scarecrow went for the bags looking in them to see what Joker had bought.

"JOKER!!" Scarecrow exclaimed.

Joker, who was playing some hardcore kazoo stopped to see what Scarecrow was going on about.

"What?" Joker asked with the kazoo still in his mouth.

"What about this stuff," Scarecrow's hands waved over the bags, "Is useful for J.J?"

"There's nothing wrong with what I bought," Joker said walking up beside Scarecrow placing the kazoo back in his pocket.

"Beer." Scarecrow said pulling a now five pack out of one of the bags.

"Well that's for Daddy," Joker said pointing to himself.

Scarecrow picked up another bag, "Joker, there's nothing in this bag but cigarettes!!" "There's like ten packs of them."

Scarecrow examined the rest of the bags, none of them seemed to contain anything that could help with a child.

Scarecrow removed a package of ham from one of the bags.

"Why would you get this?" Scarecrow asked waving the ham around, "I'm pretty sure that kid doesn't even have teeth."

"I enjoy ham," Joker stated.

"Alright," Scarecrow said throwing the ham back onto the counter, "Did you get anything for J.J?"

"Yes," Joker said smiling widely.

Joker reached in his pocket and pulled out the kazoo.

* * *

**Ahhh another chapter.**

**Ok if I'm a total bitch for saying this someone please tell me, but I'm just putting this out there if anybody would be interested in making a trailer for the fic that would be so fucking cool!! If anyone makes one (because i suck and don't know how) just let me know and send me the link, so I can put it on my profile and all that :)**

**If someone does make a trailer it would be greatly appreciated, but again tell me if it is bitchy for me to suggest. Cause i don't want to be a shitty person.**

**So thanks for reading this chapter, i hope everyone liked it!!**

**im-batman**


	29. Chapter 29

**Say FUCK YES for a sort of long chapter. enjoy.**

**disclaimer - i don't own **

**

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**

Scarecrow was locked in the bathroom, cleaning up his hand. In the process of cleaning up the broken beer bottle Joker thought it would be hilarious to press the pieces of glass that Scarecrow was holding in his hand even further into his flesh.

Scarecrow removed his mask and bent over the sink. He took a deep breath and began pulling at the pieces of glass lodged in his skin. It didn't help that some of the pieces were coated with alcohol. And that Joker was beating on the door demanding entrance.

"Scarecrooo-ow," Joker whined, "Let me iiii-n."

"No," Scarecrow said wincing slightly.

"But, I have to PEE!!!!" Joker exclaimed.

This argument continued on for fifteen minutes.

Scarecrow removed the last of the glass then wrapped his hand in toilet paper to stop the bleeding.

Scarecrow opened the door once his hand was properly wrapped.

"Ok," Scarecrow said pointing into the bathroom, "Go pee."

"Oh I don't have to anymore," Joker stated walking over to the bed.

Scarecrow made it a point to not to step where Joker had been standing. He took giant steps all over the room until he reached the kitchen.

Scarecrow looked around once he was in the kitchen then he looked at Joker who was rolling around on the bed.

"Hey Joker?"

Joker's rolling ceased and he turned to look at Scarecrow.

"Where's J.J?" Scarecrow asked walking closer to the bed.

Joker swung his leg up from one side of the bed to the other.

Scarecrow's eyes followed Joker's leg all the way up to his foot, to see that his was pointing to the door that led outside.

Scarecrow's eye's widened then he ran for the door.

* * *

Scarecrow opened up the door to find J.J staring back up at him. He bent down to pick up the baby and bring him back inside.

"Why was the baby outside?" Scarecrow asked.

"He stinks," Joker said while pinching his nose.

Scarecrow raised J.J up closer to his face and immediately put him back down from the stench that was coming off of his ass was to much for any human to handle.

"Well do something about it," Scarecrow said trying to hand J.J off to Joker.

"I," Joker began pointing at himself, "Did do something about it."

"You put him outside."

Joker was hanging upside down on the bed and burst into a fit of laughter at Scarecrow's statement.

"Well we have to get it out of there," Scarecrow stated.

Joker's laughter ended when Scarecrow said this.

"Can't he do it himself?" Joker suggested.

* * *

Since Joker's shopping trip was less than successful they had no diapers to put on J.J after they removed the shitty one. So they were forced to wrap J.J's bottom half in toilet paper.

Scarecrow was trying to force J.J's pants up over the immense amount one toilet paper when there was a knock at the door.

The couple walked out of the bathroom and into the living room/bedroom.

There was another knock, louder this time.

"Don't answer it," Joker said holding J.J to him.

The next knock was accompanied by a voice.

"Hotel manager," Said the man on the other side of the door.

Scarecrow put his mask back on then when and opened the door.

"Hello," Scarecrow said as the manager walked in.

"Hey," Replied Bobby, the manager.

Bobby looked back and forth from Joker, who was sitting on the bed with J.J and Scarecrow.

"Ok you guys gotta get outta here," Bobby said.

"And why is that?" Joker asked rising from the bed.

"Well," Bobby began, "Is that your kid?" He asked pointing to J.J.

Joker linked his arm with Scarecrow's, "Yea," He stated proudly.

"Ok see well there's the problem," Bobby explained, "Around here we have a strict policy against children......and parrots."

"So if you'd please pack up your things."

Scarecrow went to get the bags while Joker cradled J.J.

The very strange couple began to walk out but were stopped by Bobby.

"Wait a minute," Bobby said holding Scarecrow still with his hand.

Bobby's eye's went to the blood stain on the wall then to the bags in Scarecrow's hands. Bobby reached into one of the bags and took out the ham.

"Alright, get." Bobby said.

* * *

_Today's chapter was brought to you by the letter _**J **_and the number _**17**_._

_Thanks for reading!!_

_im-batman_


	30. Chapter 30

**ok here's some words that came into my head and i typed them out.**

**disclaimer - i don't. i just don't**

**

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Joker stomped out to the car swinging open the back door, almost smacking J.J in the head with it.

"Bastard took my ham," He mumbled.

Joker placed J.J in the back seat, slammed the door shut and went to open his own door. Joker walked over and opened the door on the passenger's side and was greeted by Scarecrow staring at him from behind the wheel.

"What are you doing?" Scarecrow asked pointing towards the back of the car.

"III'mmmm," Joker said pointing to himself, "Getting in the fucking car."

"The child is not buckled in," Scarecrow stated.

Joker's eyes were burning Scarecrow through his mask, he knew what he wanted.

"J.J is not buckled into his seat," Scarecrow said.

"Oh my," Joker said as if he didn't know.

Joker ripped open the back door like J.J was on fire. He grabbed the right seat belt and connected it with the left buckle, the he went to the next one and got the left seat belt and connected it to the right buckle.

J.J sat there looking terrified with a X across his chest.

Joker climbed into his seat then turned to Scarecrow, "Theeeere," He said pointing to J.J, "Drive on."

* * *

Scarecrow didn't know where to go, so he took off in the direction of The Narrows. Joker stared at Scarecrow as they drove down the road. Then Joker reached out and took Scarecrow's mask off of his head.

"What a-," Scarecrow said jerking back slightly.

Joker ran his finger over Scarecrow's upper lip.

"You should grow a mustache," Joker said.

"Why would I want to do that?" Scarecrow asked, moving his head so it was no longer under Joker's gloved finger.

"Cause you're the DAAA-D!!" Joker cheered.

"And why am I the dad?" Scarecrow asked, trying to pry his mask out of Joker's hands.

"Well," Joker laughed, "I think it's obvious that I'm the pretty one."

Scarecrow tried to ignore Joker and focus on driving, which was not easy when Joker was in the middle of singing 'Do You Wanna Touch Me.'

Scarecrow slammed on the brakes as Joker screamed "YEAH," everyone, except J.J flew forward.

* * *

Joker sat up, rubbing his head, he looked around and realized they were in The Narrows.

"What are we doing here?" Joker asked.

"What do mean?" Scarecrow asked, grabbed his mask and placing it back on his head, "Where did you think we were going to go?"

"But this is The Narrows," Joker explained, "And no child of mine is going to live here."

* * *

**Oh shit it's short!!! i mean look at that, i'm sorry it's probably wrong but i get my inspiration when i go to church and i haven't been to church in like two weeks. this chapter was without church so if it sucks i'm sorry :(**

**But on a happy note you all might get a Christmas one-shot. YEAH!! so if i'm not a lazy fuck you'll get a present on Christmas Eve.**

**thanks for reading i hope you liked it!!**

**im-batman**


	31. Chapter 31

**'ello, so i suck for taking so long to post something but....ehhh, i lost my train of thought.**

**Disclaimer - i don't own**

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Joker switched seats with Scarecrow so he could drive, he tried sitting on Scarecrow's lap and driving but that didn't work out very well. Joker was speeding down the road passing cars left and right, scaring the shit out of Scarecrow.

"He he he," Joker giggled.

Scarecrow looked back at J.J who's body was secure in Joker's "car seat" but his head was all over the place. Scarecrow started crawling back to the very back seat of the car to hold J.J's head.

"So," Scarecrow said as he stumbled to the back of the car, not an easy thing to do when Joker was at the wheel, "Where are we going?"

Joker wiped around in his seat, staring wide eyed at Scarecrow, "I don't know," He yelled, "I thought you did."

"What?" Scarecrow asked as he plopped down behind J.J.

"Ha ha," Joker laughed, " I just kiddn' I know you don't know," Joker said waving his hand around.

"But you do right?" Scarecrow asked.

"Oh absolutely not," Joker said.

* * *

After a few hours of driving around and Joker knocking on random people's doors asking if they could stay at their house, which never worked out very well, Joker finally decided on a place to stay. Scarecrow started getting nervous when he began to realize where Joker was headed.

"What are you doing?" Scarecrow questioned, looking out the windows, "Why are you going this way?"

Joker ignored Scarecrow.

Scarecrow stared out the window, watching as the houses they passed got bigger and more extravagant. He knew where they were going, the Palisades, and he didn't like it.

Joker pulled it the first house he saw that didn't have a car in the driveway.

Joker turned off the car's engine and yelled, "EVERYBODY OUT!!"

When Scarecrow didn't move from his spot Joker glared back at him, got out the car and removed J.J from his seat. Scarecrow crawled out of the car and joined Joker who was standing at the front door.

"Here take the ba-bey," Joker said emphasizing the word baby.

Scarecrow sighed and took J.J from Joker, after that Joker pulled one of his guns out and pointed it at the doors hinges.

"Wait," Scarecrow said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm opening the door," Joker said, very pissed of that he'd been interrupted.

"Why don't you just turn the nob?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker rolled his eyes and began waving his gun around while he spoke.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor," Joker explained.

"What?" Scarecrow asked.

"What?" Joker asked.

"You just said th-," Scarecrow started.

"THE DOOR IS LOCKED!!" Joker yelled.

"Did you check?"

"Fuck you," Joker whispered.

* * *

**Damn. i should be killed because of this chapter. i don't know what's wrong with me that it took so long.**

**but thanks for reading, i hope you liked it.**

**im-batman**


	32. Chapter 32

****

**here's another chapter. i apologize for my shitty updating patterns. i fail**

disclaimer - i don't own.

* * *

It turns out the door was unlocked. Joker swung the door open, letting it hit into the end table behind it.

"Hell-ooo," Joker sang, walking into the house.

Scarecrow cautiously followed behind Joker when no one answered his call.

Joker turned to face Scarecrow, who was holding J.J.

"Awwww," Joker moaned, waving his hand at Scarecrow.

"What?" Scarecrow asked, not liking the look on Joker's face.

"Ya love J.J!!" Joker exclaimed, pointing at the baby in Scarecrow's arms.

"You made me hold him," Scarecrow stated.

Ignoring the truth in Scarecrow's statement, Joker skipped over and wrapped his arms around Scarecrow's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Joker sighed, "I knew ya liked him," he said resting his head on Scarecrow's shoulder.

Scarecrow was beginning to feel very uncomfortable but lucky for him Joker got distracted with something else.

Joker stared down at himself and became suddenly alarmed.

He released Scarecrow and screaming, "I'M NOT DRESSED RIGHT!!!" and ran up the stairs.

Scarecrow stared at the staircase, unsure about what just happened. But not caring enough to follow the Joker up the stairs, so instead Scarecrow walked into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch. After a few minutes he heard the familiar thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs, and he knew his relaxation time was over. Then after the loud footsteps ended Scarecrow heard what sounded like high heels clicking on the hard wood floor. Concerned, Scarecrow turned around to see if it was someone who actually lived in this house.

But it wasn't, it was the Joker. He was standing proudly in what Scarecrow assumed to be the lady of the house's clothes, Scarecrow couldn't even get frustrated with Joker because he was so amazed at how well the clothes fit him. Decked out in a wig (from chapter 13) as well as a white V - neck dress with a flowing shirt, along with black pumps.

"What are you doing?" Scarecrow asked, standing up from the couch and walking towards Joker.

"Looking se-exy," Joker exclaimed striking a pose.

Just then the front door opened, to a very confused woman. The woman was a Ms. Lily Faden, a recently divorced and now single mother of three. Thankfully the kids were with their father, which she usually wasn't happy about but when she walked into her house only to find two men, one of them in drag she couldn't have been happier that the kids weren't with her.

It was obvious that the man in drag was The Joker, even in a dress Lily could still recognize The Clown Prince of Crime. But the other man wasn't as familiar, if she would have to guess she'd say it was Scarecrow, but she had no idea what the two of them were doing together or in her house for that matter. Lily was actually scared stiff, she'd never really understood that expression until now. She knew that she should be running to her car and getting the hell out of here but she could get her legs to move, it was like she forgot how to walk.

Neither Scarecrow or The Joker had noticed the lady in the doorway yet, but when a flustered Lily dropped her keys the two men turned their attention to the noise.

"Welcome home!!" Joker cheered throwing his arms into the air.

Joker ran towards Lily, who tried her best to run away but amazing enough Joker ran very well in high heels. Joker pulled Lily back into the house and closed the down behind him.

"Ok," Joker said pointing towards Lily, " I want your honest opinion."

"Alright," Lily said trying her best to sound confident.

"How do I look in this dress?"

Scarecrow rolled his eyes at the question.

"You look okay," Lily said and then immediately regretted it.

"Okay," Joker mumbled to himself, "that's not true a look fantastic."

This whole thing was bothering Scarecrow so he decided to take J.J upstairs.

* * *

After about twenty minutes Joker went upstairs to find Scarecrow. He found them in the master bedroom sleeping, Scarecrow was happy to finally be able to sleep which was much easier to do when there wasn't a horny bastard laying next to you. Joker strolled into the room and picked up his sleeping baby, J.J not Scarecrow, then he lovely smacked Scarecrow's face to wake him.

"What, mm what," Scarecrow stammered.

"Hee-ll-o," Joker greeted him.

"Oh hey," Scarecrow replied, "So where's that lady?"

"I threw her out," Joker stated while making faces at a now awake J.J.

"Ok, you kicked her out," Scarecrow said.

Joker looked down at Scarecrow, "No I threw her out."

Scarecrow just stared.

"I threw her away," Joker said, he thought maybe if he reworded it Scarecrow would get it.

"So you killed her?" Scarecrow asked.

"Bingo," Joker said walking out of the room muttering, "I look amazing in this dress."

* * *

**ok again i'm sorry for the long wait but i hope i made worth it. i'm gonna try to update more frequently, so yea!!**

**i hope you all liked this chapter i'm really happy with it.**

**i'm-batman**


	33. Chapter 33

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**thank you all so much for not abandoning me and still reviewing. you guys are wonderful. but oh my gosh, i'm such a fucking liar, i said i would update soon and look at me.**

**disclaimer - i don't own anything**

* * *

After Joker left the room Scarecrow fell back asleep. Scarecrow was not surprised to see that Joker had taken over Lily's wardrobe, because when he woke up it was to Joker sleeping beside him in a black lace nightie.

"Ahh-hh," Scarecrow yelled, jolting backwards and falling off of the bed.

Joker's eyes popped open at all the commotion, "Good morning," he said greeting Scarecrow.

Scarecrow slowly sat up, staring at Joker who was now rolling all over the bed. Scarecrow stood up and started looking around the room and it occurred to him that something was missing.

"Where's J.J?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker clapped his hands excitedly because Scarecrow used J.J's name. In between Joker's giggles Scarecrow was able to make out an answer.

"He's in his bedroom," Joker said pointing out the door.

Confused, Scarecrow left Joker to have his laughing fit and went to check on J.J. After searching through all the bedrooms Scarecrow still hadn't found J.J, he'd began to think that Joker had "thrown" J.J out to. Then he turned to a door that he hadn't looked behind yet. The door looked oddly narrow and was probably just a closet, but he opened it anyway.

It was a closet. And it was in that closet where Scarecrow found J.J. It was a walk-in closet, that was obviously. Whether it was to The Joker or not was a toss up.

J.J was happily playing in an empty box that Scarecrow assumed was his "bed." Scarecrow walked over to the box and picked J.J up out of his bed.

* * *

Scarecrow left the closet and walked back to Joker's room to give J.J to his "mother."

"The closet?" Scarecrow asked as he sat down on the bed.

"No, bedroom," Joker said, correcting Scarecrow.

Scarecrow stared at him in confusion before deciding to speak again, "But really there has to be anot-"

"It's a bedroom," Joker interrupted.

"Ok fine, whatever."

"No whatever," Joker said tossing his hands in the air, "I want you to say it."

"Say what? Scarecrow asked, knowing full well what Joker wanted him to say.

"Say it's a bedroom," Joker explained.

"And what if I don't," Scarecrow questioned.

"Well," Joker chuckled, "Then I'm gonna," he paused to search for a gun which he then held to Scarecrow's head, "I think you know."

Before Scarecrow could say anything J.J who he'd been holding in his arms the whole time decided to speak.

"Mama!" he squealed, then wrapped his arms around Scarecrow.

"What the fuck!" Joker said as he cocked his gun.

* * *

**ok i know it's not that awesome but i realized the other day how long it had been since i'd updated and i felt bad, plus i really wanted to ended the chapter like that. so thanks for reading, i hope you liked it.**

**im-batman**


	34. Chapter 34

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**again i'm so sorry for the long wait, i suck i know. but i would like to thank you all for the crazy awesome reviews, you guys rock!**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

Joker surprisingly did not blow Scarecrow's brains out, instead he pouted. To Scarecrow's relief he removed the gun from his head and stomped into the bathroom. Scarecrow stayed still on the bed, frozen with fear because Joker, even though in another room still had a gun in his hand.

Scarecrow could hear Joker mumbling in the bathroom.

"Not the Mama, not the Mama," Joker was saying over and over again, for at least fifteen minutes.

Scarecrow was just about to get up and walk out of the room when Joker came storming out of the bathroom. He had made it to the doorway when he was stopped by Joker's demanding voice.

"I figured it out," Joker declared.

"What do mean?" Scarecrow asked, cautiously turning and carrying J.J back to the bed.

"We're gonna get rid of the kid," Joker said.

"I thought the kid had a name?" Scarecrow asked, "And do you mean get rid of or, get rid of," he said running a finger across his throat.

"Fine, J.J," Joker said disgustedly.

Scarecrow grinned proudly, thinking how the tables had turned when it came to feelings about J.J.

"And when I say get rid of I mean take him back where we got him," Joker said waving the gun around and making Scarecrow feel nervous, "Because he's a disrespectful little brat."

"Joker you do realize he's a baby?" Scarecrow questioned,"And you took him from a park, taking him back there doesn't make any sense.""How do think his parents are gonna find him?"

"Oh ye of little faith," Joker tutted,"If that's where the kid was taken from don't you think that's where the parents would be checking?"

"Also I don't really care that much how he gets back to his parents," Joker added.

Scarecrow stared at the clown, not in amazement though because he had almost come to expect these things from The Joker.

"Ok, let's go," Joker said jumping around excitedly.

"Wait," Scarecrow said, stopping him before he could leave the room, "Don't you think there's something you should do before we go?"

Joker folded his arms across his chest, pouting again. "I'm not gonna feed him," He declared.

"I wasn't talking about that," Scarecrow said, "What I meant was, are you gonna do anything about your clothes," he said pointing up and down at Joker in his night gown.

"Oh my," Joker said covering himself and running to change, "I can't go out like this."

Scarecrow was actually surprised that Joker didn't just say 'fuck it' and go out in the nightie.

"Only you get to see all of this," Joker explained rubbing his hands over his naked body.

"Uggh,"Scarecrow said standing up from the bed, "I'll be waiting downstairs."

"Ya know ya want some Joker penis," Joker yelled thrusting himself out as Scarecrow walked out of the room.

* * *

In a matter of minutes Joker came "flying" down the stairs, he was running down the stairs with his arms out, making airplane noises, not to be confused with helicopter noises because there is a difference.

He came to a halt inches away from Scarecrow, his "brakes" screeching as he did so.

"Are you quite done?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker made one last sputtering of the engine before turning towards the door. Scarecrow shook his head and followed the clown out of the house. With the three of them not so safely buckled in the car, Joker sped off.

Joker's driving was of course scaring the shit out of Scarecrow.

"Maybe you should slow down," Scarecrow suggested.

"Maybe you should slow down," Joker mocked.

In no time at all they were at the park. For whatever reason they weren't that many people there, which was a good thing so there weren't many witnesses to the dumping of J.J. They sat in silence for a while, staring out at the grass before Joker finally said something.

"Well are ya gonna do it or not?"

"What, me?" Scarecrow questioned, "You're they one who wanted to do this."

"Fine," Joker said ripping his door open, "You're such a baby," he said slamming it shut.

Joker removed J.J from the backseat of the car and carried him into the middle of the park, sat him down, then took of running back towards the car.

Once Joker was back in the car he cranked up the music and sped off back towards their house. He pulled into their driveway after a drive in silence. Joker jumped out of the car and ran for the house, while Scarecrow slowly got out of the car and dragged himself into the house.

As soon as Scarecrow walked throught the door Joker was back to "normal" running around as if J.J had never existed. Scarecrow shut the door behind him and the first thing he heard was a question from Joker.

"Wanna wrestle?"

* * *

**again i apologize for the wait :O but hopefully this makes up for it. i hope you all liked this chapter, i'm pretty happy with it. (don't worry even though i didn't write it J.J got back to his family,lol) anyway thanks for reading!**

**im-batman**


	35. Chapter 35

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**AAAAHHHHHHHH! i declare that i have the most fucking amazing reviewers out of everyone on all of fanfiction!**

i dedicate this chapter to Cherry Pepsi, which is fueling me to write this,lol.

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

Before Scarecrow had a chance to answer Joker flew into him and slammed him onto the floor.

Laying over top of Scarecrow, noses pressed together Joker declared, "I win."

Once the initial shock of being knocked on his ass had worn off Scarecrow spoke,"Get off of me."

Joker shook his head, "What's the magic woooo-rd," he sang.

Scarecrow was going to be stubborn and ignore the clown's demands but he was slowly beginning to feel something hard poking him in his lower half.

"Please," Scarecrow mumbled.

"I'm sorry you're gonna hafta speak up," Joker said putting his ear to Scarecrow's mouth.

"I said PLEASE!" Scarecrow yelled, thinking the shock of it would cause Joker to hop off of him, it didn't.

"Ok," Joker said nodding, ear still at Scarecrow's mouth, "Not really the word I was lookin' for but I guess it'll do."

And with that Joker rolled off Scarecrow and laid beside him on the floor. That is if you could classify what Joker was doing as laying, it was more like Joker was convulsing on the floor beside Scarecrow. He was like a little boy who couldn't keep still.

Joker rolled over, putting his face as close to Scarecrow's as he could possibly get it.

"I wanna watch a movie," Joker whined, while he kicked his feet into Scarecrow's.

"Will you sit still and watch the whole movie?" Scarecrow asked, getting the strange feeling that he was talking to a 5 year old.

Joker let out a heavy sigh, "Yeah I wiiiiiiilllllllll."

"Alright then," Scarecrow said standing to his feet, "Let's go put a movie on."

"YEEAA!" Joker cheered, jumping in the air and running for the living room.

* * *

By the time Scarecrow reached the living room, (cause of course he was in no hurry), Joker was already working on putting the movie in.

"So," Scarecrow started, taking a spot on the couch, "What are we watching?"

"The Wizard of Oz," Joker stated, as he plopped himself down on the floor in front on the television.

"Joker move back, you're sitting to close to the screen," Scarecrow demanded.

"I don't wanna."

"If you sit that close it's gonna hurt your eyes and you're gonna need glasses," Scarecrow said trying to persuade him to move back.

Joker turned to look at Scarecrow, "I think I'd look pretty sexy in glasses," he declared.

The two had a stare down death match for ten minutes until the music began to play on the menu for the movie, which caused Joker to lose focus and turn his attention back to the television. The second Joker turned his back Scarecrow shot up two middle fingers at the clown.

With in the first minute of the movie The Joker was mesmerized, and Dorothy hadn't even made it to Oz yet.

* * *

With Joker being so good and quiet Scarecrow fell asleep laying on that couch, that was of course until Joker decided he needed something right then and there.

"Scarecrow," Joker said shaking him awake.

A groggy Scarecrow rubbed his eyes and looked to the TV expecting the movie to be over, but it wasn't Joker had just paused it.

"What is it?" Scarecrow asked, wanting nothing more then to go back to sleep.

"I want a flying monkey."

"You can't have a flying monkey."

"Why don't you want me to be happy?" Joker asked.

"This has nothing to do with your happiness," Scarecrow began to explain, "Monkeys just don't fly."

Joker pointed at the TV.

"Movie." Scarecrow stated.

Joker slapped Scarecrow in the face then went back to watching the movie.

No sooner did Scarecrow fall back asleep was he woken up again by The Joker's cheers of discovery.

"Oh, of course, it makes sooooo much sense know!" Joker yelled around waiting for Scarecrow to wake up.

Scarecrow decided to make the clown happy. He sat up from he laying down position, "What makes so much sense?"

"Why you're "The Scarecrow," Joker said waving his hands around.

"Enlighten me please?"

"Ok," Joker said rewinding the movie to the spot where he had his epiphany, "Watch this."

"Goodbye TinMan," Dorothy said hugging him, "Goodbye Dorothy."

"Goodbye Lion," She said hugging him, "Goodbye Dorothy."

"And I think I'll miss you most of all Scarecrow," she said hugging him.

Joker looked back at Scarecrow, "So you wanted to be Scarecrow cause Dorothy liked him the best."

Scarecrow just stared back at Joker.

"Ya know," Joker started, "Dorothy was kind of a bitch."

* * *

**oh what's that? 2 updates in 1 month, haha i'm so proud of me! and i'm happy that i could do this for all of you. just to clear it up i don't think Dorothy's a bitch,lol. but the ending of that movie is really fucked, am i right?**

**anywho i hope you all liked this chapter, thanks for reading!**

**im-batman**


	36. Chapter 36

****

**i'm gonna stop making shitty promises about updating,lol. anyway enjoy this AMAZING chapter, i hope.**

**disclaimer - i don't own**

* * *

"I wanna play a game!" Joker proclaimed, while jumping on the sofa that Scarecrow was attempting to sleep on.

When he said that Scarecrow immediately took playing "playing a game" as some aort of sexual reference. But of course you could never tell woth The Joker so he decided to take a chance and ask anyway.

"Okay, what kind of game do you want to play?" Scarecrow asked as he moved from the sofa over to the armchair because Joker was getting dangerously close to breaking his legs.

Joker got overly excited and fell off of the sofa and onto the floor mid-jump. From there he rolled over to a huge cabinet at the end of the room. Scarecrow watched as the clown tore through the games that weren't up to his standards, until finally he stopped and decided on one that was good enough for him.

Joker came crawling back to Scarecrow on his knees, because standing to his feet was to much of a strain for the clown. Once Joker reached Scarecrow he could see what game he had chosen. Joker threw Candyland onto Scarecrow's lap then stared eagerly up at him.

"Alright," Scarecrow said with a sigh, as he slid off the couch and onto the floor to set up the game.

But Joker was way ahead of him.

"YAY!," The clown cheered grabbing the box from Scarecrow and throwing it into the air, letting it's contents fly everywhere.

Scarecrow closed his eyes as the cards and game pieces rained down him. Then finally the game board hit him on the head then fell open in between the two men.

Joker began cackling and rolling on the floor, "Oh my God, that could never happen again."

"No it couldn't," Scarecrow moaned, as he started picking up the cards that we thrown all over the room.

"I'm the red one, I get to be the red one!," Joker yelled as he lunged across the room to grab the red gingerbread man game piece.

"What if I wanted to be the red one?" Scarecrow asked.

Joker's eyes widened and he shoved the gingerbread man into his mouth. He started to move it from on side on his mouth to the other. Then he pulled it out and handed it to Scarecrow, with his saliva dripping from it.

"Do ya still want it?" He asked.

Scarecrow rolled his eyes and reached for the green gingerbread man. But Joker grabbed it before Scarecrow could get his hands on it, and the clown threw it across the house. Scarecrow sighed and went to pick up the yellow one, but once again Joker got to it first, only this time the clown shoved it down his pants.

Then Joker picked up the blue and final gingerbread man and threw it at Scarecrow, hitting him right between the eyes. Scarecrow picked up the piece off the floor and placed it at the starting point.

"Can we please just start the game?" Scarecrow asked.

"Yes," Joker replied slamming his game piece down beside Scarecrow's, "And I shall rule Candyland with an iron fist," The clown declared shaking his fist in the air.

"Alright I have no idea what that means," Scarecrow said, "Just pick a card."

Joker picked the first card off the deck, "Orange!" he cheered, "And I get to ride on the Rainbow Trail."

Joker began cackling, "You will lose," He said wiggling his fingers around in Scarecrow's face, "Now pick a card."

Scarecrow sighed and picked the next card.

"Oh I got Queen Frostine," Scarecrow said moving his piece almost to the finish.

"Fuck this," Joker said stomping off towards the stairs.

* * *

**YES! a new chapter, it actually happened,haha. i hope you all like the one and thanks for reading it:D**

**im-batman**


	37. Chapter 37

**uhhh i'm so sorry that it has taking me this long to update i'm not gonna lie it was just pure laziness, but i'm back with a new chapter so WOOHOO! Another chapter, here we GO!**

disclaimer - i don't own

* * *

Scarecrow cleaned up the game and decided it was best to leave Joker to have his pouting fit.

Upstairs Joker was burying his face into a pillow, screaming out in anger. Suddenly the phone rang, something that the pair had surprisingly not encountered yet at the house. Joker grabbed the phone as quickly as possible.

"Who the hell is this?" Joker growled into the phone.

"Lily?" The lady on the other end asked.

"Yes," The clown answered, just to hear the reply.

"No it isn't," The lady on the other end giggled.

"_My God this woman is simple_," Joker thought.

"Of course it isn't, so why are you calling me?"

"Uhhhh I just wanted to make sure Lily was still coming over tonight?" The girl asked.

"_She doesn't know I killed Lily,_" Joker thought.

"You know she'll be there guuuuurrrlfriend," Joker said.

"Ok, tell her I'll see her at eight o'clock," She said.

"Oh you know I will," Joker said as he hung up the phone.

"NOT!" He yelled and began to cackle.

Then slowly he turned towards Lilly's dresser to find an outfit for this evening.

* * *

"Jooonnnny" Joker sang as he came running down the stairs.

The Scarecrow was jolted awake at the sound of his name being screeched out by The Joker.

"What is it?" Scarecrow asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

When he opened his eyes he saw The Joker standing in front of him. In drag.

"Get up and get dressed cause we're going to a paaarrrty!" Joker exclaimed, jumping around so his dress flew everywhere.

The Joker was decked out in a bright red halter top dress with a very low V-neck. He had caked enough make-up on his face that his scars were barely visible. He had his face plastered with red lipstick and very obvious fake eyelashes. He had found a blonde wig in Lilly's room and was proudly wearing it upon his head.

"No," Scarecrow said rolling over to go back to sleep.

"But you have to!" Joker said stamping his heels on the floor.

Scarecrow sighed and stood up from the couch.

"YAY!" Joker cheered, "Come on I already have your outfit picked out." The Joker took Scarecrow's hand and took off running up the stairs.

They got up to the bedroom and lying out on the bed was a simple black dress with ruffles going down the front.

"How come your dress is so much nicer than mine?" Scarecrow asked, but they quickly took it back, "You know what I don't care."

The man put on the dress and heels that The Joker had chosen for him.

"Now I have to do your make-up," Joker exclaimed.

The clown sat Scarecrow in front of a mirror and began slapping make-up on his face. Then The Joker grabbed a couple tissues.

"Wait, what are those for?" Scarecrow asked.

"Well honey you are just so flat chested compared to me," Joker motioned towards his "breasts."

"Well can't I get more than that?" Scarecrow asked, "I mean you couldn't have more than six in your hand."

"No you can't have more I used the rest of the box on myself," He said as he adjusted his chest.

"Okay," The Scarecrow said reluctantly.

"Good," Joker said as he stuffed his hand down Scarecrow's dress.

* * *

After the two were finished dressing and looking "all sexy" in Joker words, they got in the car to go to the party.

"Do you even know where you're going?" Scarecrow questioned.

"Of course I do."

"And how did you manage that?" He asked.

"I went through Lilly's e-mail, and found the address," Joker explained, "And the lady of the house's name is Kelsey"

"Ok, just drive," Said the Scarecrow, he may not have been excited about going to a party in drag but he was happy to be out of the house for once.

After a while on the road the Scarecrow noticed that The Joker was acting strange, that is too say stranger than usual. Joker picked up a Dora the Explorer water bottle and began slurping out of it as he slowly merged into the opposite lane. And right then a car started coming head on towards them.

"WOAH! Joker get in your lane!" Scarecrow yelled.

"WEEEEWeeEEE," The Joker exclaimed as he returned to his rightful lane, just seconds before the car hit them.

"Wait a minute," Scarecrow said grabbing the Dora bottle. He opened it up and sniffed it and the smell of alcohol hit him in the face.

"Is this whiskey?" Scarecrow asked.

"Sí." Joker answered then burst into laughter.

"Oh my God," Scarecrow said, "Pull over, I need to drive."

"NO!" Joker yelled, "I know where we's going so I's gets to drive." He said with his speech slurring.

For the rest of the drive Scarecrow had a white knuckle grib on the armrests.

"Oooohh loooks there it is," Joker said taking his hands of the wheel to point to a house that was surrounded by cars, using both fingers.

"Ok just park the car," Scarecrow said, "carefully."

Joker turned the wheel sharply and stepped on the gas, heading straight for the house.

"NOOOOO!" Scarecrow yelled.

The two went flying through the front window with their Hummer, all the while Joker cackling. By the time Joker had "parked" the car was halfway into the house. The clown jumped out of the car and stepped right into the house, Scarecrow was in to much shock to even move.

Joker looked around at the damage he'd caused, and the frightened women who were all huddled of the couch, safe from harm. The clown simply shrugged and sang.

"Like a good neighbor State Farm is there," When nobody appeared he hopped back in the car and drove away.

"You know what I think?" Joker asked, when Scarecrow didn't respond he just answered his own question, "I think that State Farm is a load of crap."

* * *

**YAAAAAY! I'm so happy that I finally updated. Now I know I've already done a chapter about Joker in drag, but really can you do that to many times, haha. I hope you all enjoy this, I'm pretty happy with it. And thank you all so much for loving this story it means a lot :D**

**im-batman**


	38. Chapter 38

**I'm back everyone! I know it's been ages since I have updated this story and I cannot say sorry enough but thank you all so much for continuing to read and review my stories even after all this time. You are all so awesome :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

* * *

The clown sped down the road in the Hummer after having crashed it into Kelsey's home.

"Look at this thing," Joker said, "it was just in a house and there is not a scratch on it."

"This is amazing, isn't it?" The clown asked, smacking at Scarecrow, who was frozen with fear.

"Do you think you could stop talking at some point?" Scarecrow asked.

"Yeah sure."

The duo drove around in silence for a few minutes much to Scarecrow's pleasure. Scarecrow was beginning to relax after his near death experience. He leaned his head against the window, trying to fall asleep,when he noticed that the car was really speeding up. He sat up and looked over at the Joker, who was hunkered over the steering wheel, licking his lips, and pressing harder and harder on the gas pedal.

"What are you doing and where are you taking us?" Scarecrow asked feeling more and more nervous, the faster the car got.

Joker turned and looked at Scarecrow, he put his hand to his mouth and turned it as if he was turning a key in a lock.

Scarecrow rolled his eyes, "I know I asked you to be quiet but you can answer a question."

Joker unlocked his mouth, "We're going to White Castle!" he exclaimed, then quickly locked his mouth back up.

Scarecrow groaned, "Whhhy?"

Joker sighed and unlocked his mouth again, "Because I'm soooo hungry, aren't you hungry?"

"No I just want to go back to the house," Scarecrow said.

"Well that is to damn bad," Joker said as he slammed on the gas.

"Fine," Scarecrow said as he crawled into the back of the car.

Scarecrow was laying in the back of the car, almost asleep, listening to the sound of the Joker humming in the front seat. All of the sudden the clown made a very sharp and sudden turn knocking Scarecrow off of the seat and onto the floor.

"I see the Castle!" the clown screamed.

"Hey let's make sure we park **outside** of the building this time, okay?" Scarecrow suggested.

"You know, you drive into one house," Joker said, "Oh shit!" he exclaimed, as he swerved and hit one of the castle's towers.

Joker parked the car and looked back at the Scarecrow.

"We are outside of the building," Joker stated.

"You still have to drive back to the house," Scarecrow said.

Joker stuck his tongue out at Scarecrow and got out of the car.

"Are you coming?" Joker asked.

"No I think I'll just stay in here and wait for you."

"Oh come on this place is great," Joker said, "They have burgers but they are shrunk it's the greatest thing EVER."

"Yeah I know," Scarecrow said, "They are called sliders."

"No," Joker said,"They are shrunken burgers."

"Yeah but they have a name and it's slid-"

"NO!" Joker yelled,"They are shrunken burgers and you don't deserve them!"

The angry clown slammed the car door and went into the restaurant to get a bunch of shrunken burgers.

* * *

**And there you have it :) I know it's not very long but I'm just happy to have a new chapter out. I hope you all like it and thanks again for sticking with me all this time. **

**Follow me on Twitter - macromig **

**Thanks for reading :D**

**im-batman**


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